mordicai caeli (mordicai) wrote,
mordicai caeli
mordicai

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i wish all these girls on campus would quit trying to give me blow jobs.

this is the thesis of the girl typing on the computer next to mine: "the cloning of a human embryo would authorize the destruction of the human race in the name of science." to her i say, fuck you. fuck you, & have a second helping of it while you are at it. while you are up bitch get me a beer. man i feel so low today? but its a trick, a trap as admiral ackbar might say. i'm just fucking tired. my long suffering (but desperately unfucked) girlfriend made sure i got to class. oh i went to class alright. i sat there muttering to myself "am i even here?" why does she keep talking about my sexual equipment? lessons about the inominate can get fucking dirty, let me tell you. but they do have something to say about the honesty of evolution.

so hey, i remembered the group of people i want to hate. its those fuckers who wear shorts on the first day of spring. you know who i mean. those people who decide that they can wear shorts as long as some delusional person in a mental hospital might say its warm enough. i can't enthuse about my dislike properly, but you know who i mean. also, its never hot chicks who want to wear shorts, its always loser guys with ponytails. to these people i say fuck you. fuck you & fuck you & pass the ammunition.

last night my birthday celebration. david & peter from work. the lovely jenny (whom i did not fuck my entire birthday! cry travesty, you dogs of war!) & my dungeon master, michael. also the illscientist showed up. about the time i was drunk. i havn't been so drunk in public in a while! which is funny for me to say, because its a) probably a lie, & b) also probably not true. but yeah, we drank & bantered until i was like "okay dudes! its time for me to go HOME!" which i did. & then kept pulling condoms out of wrappers, even though nothing ever happened from it.

i wish my girlfriend would go on birth control. i get that seeing the gynocologist is a huge hassle, & they stick cold metal things in your pussy & all that. i get putting it off. but man, i'd sure like to not have to worry about babies. also, i wonder what its like to fuck her without a condom? i'd like to experiment whith that line of questioning. SCIENCE DEMANDS TESTABLE EXPERIMENTS! i don't know. man, all kinds of old white dudes might be trying to tell chicks whether they can kill their babies or not? but i get it, man. guys have no reproductive rights. as the "african-american fiction" book is titled, mommy's baby, daddy's maybe. we're just trying to look out for number one, ladies! don't be playa hatin'!

today i'm 25, & i still don't own a handgun.
Tags: birthday
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