but it got me thinking. about personas. i am all about them, right? i'm the subject in subjectivity- you think about me. & well, not entirely as a result of that, but at least partially? i'm awfully immune to externalities. if something happens to me, it doesn't really impact me- or at least, not as much as it would other people- at least, this is what i've observed. but internalities? fuck, if my inner demiurge says jump, i say how high. except it doesn't say jump. it says collapse, or it says lonely so i say how hard.
& i guess the thing with jenny maybe has to do with alliances & trust. i'm not so big on being singular. i'm willing to get a little plural. so when i come home to jenny & my apartment, i count it as home. & count myself vulnerable. which is why i get so touchy. things that, in any one else, would fail against my indomitable swagger, start worming their way beneath my scales. like a chigger under a kevlar vest. i almost always over-react.
this morning the toilet started flushing itself & didn't stop for about an hour. i thought jenny might have left the bathtub faucet on or something. i also had quite a pair of dreams. one involved choices made at an amusement part, & an duher wood carving on the grigori. sitting overhead on a window sill high above the earth i could see migrating whales moving in the ocean. the other dream, while one of some signifigance, i'm hard pressed to remember. the stitches around my eye & mouth had started to come undone.