mordicai caeli (mordicai) wrote,
mordicai caeli

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so last night i got that old-fashioner lacunae. that hollow in the middle of my being that just won't let go. it was okay for a little while, jenny & i each languishing in our private hells & being entertaining about it. i finished jennifer government & read some magazines. but eventually she fell asleep & i couldn't. i guess these days i'm not sure if its my body screaming at my mind or some psychosomatic backlash. i'll tell you one thing, i'm not changing any of my childhood theories. i am from another planet.

so i stay up all night reading in the bathtub. sometimes i fill it up with hot water. mostly its empty & i'm naked. i write blurbs about women dying from internal bleeding on the lined side of note cards. she shouldn't have taken all those pain killers i keep telling her. asprin will do you in by the age of twenty-five (25). so i lie there some more & think about internal bleeding. eventually around six in the morning (6 am) i crawl to bed. to bed & my dreams of reckless hate.

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