mordicai caeli (mordicai) wrote,
mordicai caeli

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so, i'm not in japanese. of all places, i'm at home. my adventure uptown to school was cut short when i realized that i was an intestinal cripple. i mean, i was just doubled up with pain & agitation. so i came back to my apartment (my internal monolouge singing little dittys: "you are almost home. you are mordicai of the knife. you are mordicai of the knife. think about a knife.") everything worked out fine in the end, i didn't swell up like violet b. & i don't need a colostomy bag. but it was touch & go there for a minute, let me fucking tell you. it explains why i was feeling so fucktacular early this morning, though. i had a grapefruit sized spaceship made of tin foil lodged in my colon.

does anyone else think its funny that the new fad surgery is gastric by-pass? we antipate you being a fucking filth-pig who is unable to cease cramming your gullet with cornbread & mcdonalds hashbrowns, so we will break your stomach for you! thank us later with monetary reimbursement! & i mean, of course the results are amazing & all that rot. if the trough-feeders would quit snacking on oreos & crisco for a minute, they'd drop the pounds too. (disclaimer: i know absolutely nothing about this surgery from a medical perspective, & i think sharon osborne is a-okay.)

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