mordicai caeli (mordicai) wrote,
mordicai caeli
mordicai

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& i guess jenny probably understands what an issue it is when she stops talking to me. she wrote about my need for social connections & interactions, albeit in a sociopathic way. as it is, i'm in a new city, & nobody seems all the intrested in coming into brooklyn to hang out with a cripple. in order to "punish" me (i guess?) she will cut me even further off. by not speaking to me she cuts my social interaction back what, sixty to seventy percent (60-70%)? there goes casual physical contact, physical intimacy, conversation with one of the three (3) people i talk to in person, & even a sizable reduction in internet interaction. golly its just fucking swell. i guess she'll show me for needing to get out of the apartment & have interaction with others.

without thinking i wrote her an email asking her questions about my resume as i was writing it. it didn't occur to me until the end of the email that she was probably just going to ignore it. how fucking copacetic. hold on, let me ask all the other people that i'm comfortable with seeing my stupid fumbling with the mundane world! hey everybody! i'm a huge fuckup who can't even manage basic life skills such as "get a job you fucking loser." i don't even know how to write a resume, & the resume i do have written? makes me look like some kind of mongoloid.

i'm an arrogent prick & a soldier when confronted by the impossible, but when it comes to the day to day, i fold like a house of cards. look at the suicide king & the one eyed jack. i think they're kissing. oh no wait they arn't. thats his hand around his throat. he's one eyed because the other is swollen up & crusted close. fuck it. i'll get my shit together. eventually i learned how to pretend to be a real boy at kent state, now all i have to do is clip my wooden nose short, hide my puppet strings, & become a productive member of society.
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