mordicai caeli (mordicai) wrote,
mordicai caeli

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i can't say jenny & i are having a fight. i guess what i can say is that jenny is mad at me, is not speaking to me, & piled up a bunch of computer parts up on the bed to send the message that i am now that sort of boyfriend who sleeps on the couch. i am not mad; at worst, i am frustrated because we can't even discuss why she is mad- while we were talking about it last night is when she chose to shut down & completely ignore me. i suppose the best way to sum up this situation is that "i am in trouble."

the basis of this doghouse worthy offense? last night i decided to go out for a wild night on the town (of sitting still). scythrop & his lovely missus (mrs.) S. had mentioned being in town this weekend on vacation from california. i'd subsequently informed them that i'd enjoy rendezvousing with them, & had passed on this information to jenny sometime on friday. when scythrop called me at nine o' clock (9:00pm) i told him that yes, i would enjoy meeting him at his hotel.

jenny at this point was angry with me. at first she said that we couldn't afford to live large & party hard. i told her i wasn't planning on spending any money, seeing as how i don't have any. the discussion then moved on to her saying that if i was well enough to go out & see my friends, then i'd been somehow taking advantage of her all this time. i couldn't understand this, since i have been getting progressively better, but only recently have i been able to really consider doing anything. furthermore, i don't recall her making these sorts of arguments when i had to truck along to the hospital by myself, & that was before my face really started healing.

jenny responds by saying that i only act well when there is something fun to do. i try to point out that i just want to have any social interaction at all. scythrop & S. are the first two people other than jenny & her roomates that i have spoken to face to face who arn't affiliated with the health care system. i'm not leaving to go play a game of hockey or shoot up heroin in the park with hobos. jenny of course is invited- when i reiterate this, she declines before i even finish my sentence.

the third part of her argument is the most valid, & the fourth part (based on the third part) is when she goes in for the kill. jenny mentions that if i am well enough to be going out, i should be well enough to get a job. well, she says it more mean spiritedly than that, but thats the jist. & it is true. i can certainly fill out a resume, can't i? i have nothing to say to this other than that its only been since wednesday that i've been irresponsible, but that she'd right. i try to shop-talk with her. i don't want to barter with her for permission- but would she not be mad if i go out if tommorow i make signifigant strides on my resume? i am trying to discuss this without making it some quid pro quo trade with the holder of my leash.

then jenny starts saying that if i'm well enough to get a fucking job, i'm well enough to get my own fucking apartment. if i'm well enough to go out to sit in a hotel, then its bullshit that i'm making her turn her life upside down. that i'm making her get rid of her room. making her. she indicates that she would be happier not getting a place together, that maybe now she is commited to moving out because of me, & that she resents me for it.

so thats great.

meeting scythrop & S. was fun though. various tales of miscreancy (which may be a made up word) & what have you were discussed. whether or not mars was really an airplane was discussed. there was discussion. it was a regular fucking round table. i call dibs on mordred, okay? we hung out for a little over two hours (2:00), & then i came back home to find my sleeping accomadations slightly altered. my life is so fucking mellow.

oh, & she made a big deal about how she's turning her life upside down to accomodate me by moving out. implying that this recovery situation was the cause of it, that i was the cause by not having my own place already. & it is true, she does have to make changes, & moving in together is certainly a big change. but, uh, in my defense? i also am moving in with my girlfriend. & oh. sort of had a slight turning upsidedown of my life when i left behind all of my friends & everyone i knew to move to new york city. like, isn't that a decent trump in the discussion of who's life got topsy-turvy? do i get further points for being hospitalized & having surgery? because mostly, my life doesn't involve alot of plastic surgery.

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