mordicai caeli (mordicai) wrote,
mordicai caeli
mordicai

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jenny's getting errant lightsaber parts from the post office right now. i sleep in two hour (2:00) bursts from the vicodin, but mostly the pain keeps me up. its a sort of dull ache- it isn't anything sharp too often, or anything that leaves me in pieces, but just a sort of notion. like my face a sack of black mamalade, veiny & limp. the doctor (dr.) cut all the muscular fascia & stuff from the skull in order to get the three (3!) titanium plates into place, so it the analogy isn't a bad one. also, the dried up blood inside my sinuses from my nasal entubation smell pretty gross. i don't know, i'm gross, but so it goes.

my eye is still crusted shut. i got it open during hospital recovery, but the eyelashes were still big scabs that tried to gouge across my iris like sharp pen quills, so i didn't sweat it so bad when it closed back up. jenny thinks i should get it open again, though, & there is some validity to her argument. i don't know, i'm paranoid about ripping stitches open. thats the last thing i want to do.

i still hate iv's & needles in general, but i think i'm better about them. exposure will do that. don't expect to see my volunteering. see, like i said; it isn't that i don't like needles. needles are great. its that i don't like things inside my veins. though i actually voulenteered for a shot of demorol while i was think the clinkhoosegow hospital. the nurse stacey though was the only want smart enough to understand my implied contract. when i tell a nurse "i really hate iv's, even getting them out," that is her liscence to trick me. stacey did some trickery with the pulling off of tape/pulling out of iv sleave, & i was greatful for it.

also, they gave me a shot in the neck! & i'm supposed to get space-ray ultrasound things shot into my face to make my bones grow back better. i'm getting so cyberpunk from this deal. oh, but the plates are supposed to be designed in such a way that they won't set off airport security detectors. though one time, i set off the empire state security detectors & told them it was okay, because i had titanium laced bones? i guess i'm prescient, too.

yeah, now that my face is at least healing, i feel more like myself. like, before i was just waiting, in a broken state, & that was awfully suck. since the surgery though, i can tell that things are diffrent. like for instance, the hinge of my jaw & my jaw line up. swelling still prevents me from getting a bite, but i'll be able to close my mouth fully one day. & like jenny said, i look more beat up. but that is because the parts of my face that were broken before were also the parts that were swollen- now my face looks properly swollen, not just sunken in & then swollen so as you couldn't tell. one thing though, is that i'm a bigger baby now. i don't want to do anything to my face, lest it mess up the healing process. i don't know, it should wear off as time progresses, but for right now i'm cautious as hell about the stitches & the plates.

i can't get over my girlfriend, though. she has been so amazing. i don't really know how to express it, or how to turn it over as a phrase. maybe in a month or so it will sink in & i will have something astonishing to say that matches the way i feel. i don't know, its just weird to feel so treasured when i'm so befouled. 'cause i'm no prize winner currently; i can barely form coherent sentences when i talk. she still clings onto me like anything, though. she's real great, is all.
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