mordicai caeli (mordicai) wrote,
mordicai caeli

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i just about fucking slit my wrists today. i show up for my last class & everyone is all murmur-murmur study-study so i'm like "what, is there a test today?" & they are all "um, final, duh?" so i run back to my apartment to get a blue book. i mean, fuck, she says last class, i don't think final, i think "last class." but i guess to freshmen the two are the same? not to me bitch! you still have class the last day!

so then i'm starting the take the test, & i'm five by five (5x5) about it, right? i can write bullshit about the carolingian dynasty & the mongol capitol & shit, so i'm not worried about my bad self. then the teacher is all like "i have your essays here, if you havn't turned them in today is the last day."

fuck you, what essay? so i'm glowering like all hell, & mostly at myself. cursing myself under my breath for being a fuck up. i finish the test before most everybody & sit outside the room for like an hour (1:00). waiting for somebody to walk out so i can jump them & be all "show me the paper she gave you about the essay give it to me what fucking essay is she talking about!" i mean, i don't have my syllabus with me but i didn't see any paper. i'm thinking extra credit, hopefully, something like that? maybe i'll run home & gun it out & email it to her. if not, i'll have to just lock myself in my room & write something & hand it in late & be all whimper whimper beg beg & shit. i hate debasing myself & that some associate professor is going to make me just riles me up even more.

anyhow, it turns out its just the outlines to people's presentations, which i made a long time ago. so absolutly no sweat. but fucking hell, i have been pretty pissed at myself for the past hour & a half (1:30). mad crazy. so maybe i should do something nice for myself tonight, like wear special lingere or some shit like that. or i'll just go swimming until i puke.

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