1- Have you done anything for which you actually felt shame or guilt. Rationalized away guilt does not count.
i'm not really sure i understand guilt. i imagine that it is like a stomach ache. for a second i wanted to say yes, that i have felt guilt, but really? i imagine guilt to be internal in cause. i've felt discomfort at being caught, & stress over knowing the consequences of my actions would harm me, but i feel as though those things are too selfish to really be guilt.
2 - Does your interest in the fantastic suggestt a failing on the part of the world to satisfy you or a failing on your part to integrate into the world?
i maintain that it is the former, based only on the fact that i'm willing to accept some kind of me as axiomatically existing. if the latter truely were the case, i'm quite certain my response would be to say that the world had failed by not having higher standards that more resembled my own. its circular like that; & really, i'm not one for emotional martyrdom. so i'll point the finger of blame at the world.
3 - If you could have any resource in unlimited quantities what do you choose?
do you mean like "diamonds, so i could give it to nasa engineers so we could build space elevators" or "airplane tickets, so that i could fly & adventure all over" or "free legal representation by invincible lawyers so that i need never fear the reprisal of authority?"
out of those three, i pick that last one.
4 - Will your ultimate undoing stem from your own flaws or from the flaws of others?
i'm not even convinced that that i will have an ultimate undoing. if i do, though, i kind of hope that it is based on my own flaws. it makes better copy that way; plus, i don't really want others to have essential bearing on me, when it gets down to it.
5- You are forced to attend Pug-Party, do you die instantly or is it a lingering drawn out affair?
the sores begin to open on my body in the parking lot, as though radiation is burning my flesh. it isn't until i see the first pug dressed as elvis that the stomach cramps really move from "discomfort" to "pain," & by that point the fever hallucinations have become so virulent that i can't tell whether i have emptied my bowels for real, or only imaginarily. around the time i see the 1000th pug, i realize i am NOT hallucinating at all. it is very sad. that is what finally does me in, heartache & confusion.
magurast asked me:
1) What is an intelligent anthropogist's view of world politics/situations today?
i guess it is something like this: as the old definitions of tribe fall away, due to homogenization of ethnic features & the ascendency of the nation-state, nationalism grows in order to fill the gap that sense of belonging leaves. nationalism is incomplete however, & leads to two distinct groups in the industrialized world; the disenfranchised, & the zealots. the former don't really care about politics most of the time, since nationalism is not enough to come close to replacing their family. for them, the nuclear or slightly extended family is enough of a tribe. the second group are those who develop a sort of social nerosis. these are the people who champion crazy political agendas. that is their attempt to belong. it is almost an attempt to replace genetic legacy with historical legacy; swapping information to information.
that said, really? plus ca change. i mean, since the advent of industrialization (the biggest change since agriculture) the only thing really altering the human species is the creation of the nuclear bomb, which is a minor threat hanging in the back of the zeitgeist. it has yet to see how that will play out.
2) When do you feel the strongest insurgence of me mories or regrets?
about four in the morning (4 am) after i've been drinking & hanging out alone on the internet. right? i mean, duh, but so it goes.
3) How do you define your persona?
it is akward to explain. but inside me, there is like, a puzzle piece. one third (1/3) of a set. i define myself by its attributes & compulsions, as well as by the absences of the other two thirds (2/3).
4) Is there anything you cannot bare to think of due to fear or simple stubborness?
it used to be jenny. i didn't even let people say her name; i made girls with the name "jenny" cry at parties just as a rule of thumb. these days, not so much.
5) Is it important to be remembered when you are gone?
i don't know. i mean. i've considered it. i don't have an answer for that. a monument of some kind might be okay. but i think it is impossible not to be remembered. if i had my way, maybe i'd rather have a secret cult or elite group that remembered me forever, rather than a whole bunch of average joes.