mordicai caeli (mordicai) wrote,
mordicai caeli
mordicai

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so this girl bree is also staying at jenny's apartment- staying with aviva, really. & previous to this week, i've only met the girl twice. which is why everyone says it is unreasonable for me to hate her. of course i hate her. hate is my default setting. if i was a stereo, i would have selector knobs for just how much hate there is, & it wouldn't have an off setting, just a "stand-by." as in, stand-by & watch the extra curbstomping. if i can't look for trouble then trouble will find me. but she isn't so much making me hate her today, & i have even talked to her. maybe it was because aviva was there to be a buffer. no, wait. i just checked. you know that down in my heart to stay place in your heart where jesus is supposed to go? yeah, i hate her. hide it under a bushel? no.

& i talked to jenny's father for the first time, & boy did that go poorly. see, jenny called to complain about the video tape of the judge judy trial amete & jen were in; not like, ungratefully, just the way you might yell at your parents for effing something up. she got the answering machine, so i thought i'd call back & leave a message for her mother being all apologetic for jenny & also wishing her a happy mother's day. because i'm a huge creep out but basically jenny's mother & i are on the same page. not the same line, but we're both pretty inapropriate. so it would have been a fine joke; we would have laughed about it. but her dad picked up! & then when i asked for jenny's mom, she wasn't home! so i tried talking to her father, & you would think that maybe that would have been a swell time? since he's a weirdo & also sent us lots of condoms? but um, it just wasn't at all. so very very akward.

i don't understand jenny's weird detachment bits. maybe because they are emotional in nature. me & emotions go together exactly opposite the way popcorn goes with movies. its funny; most people scoffs at the whole sociopath thing, except everybody i've ever dated. but i'm pretty connected to jenny; call it what you will. i think its either so basic or so transcendent that i'm able to grasp it. no mucking about & haggling over love. its just there. or whatever; there is probably haggling, i'm just cunning in important ways & answer the call to join the fray. anyhow, i love her, but i don't know about these fits she gets. they worry me sometimes, but only because i'm self-intrested & have to take a moment to realize that maybe not everything she does or feels revolves revolves around me. otherwise, as long as i can be there with her, i'm pretty much okay. i like having the chance to be a prom dance of a boyfriend. i mean, i'm so waltzy.

i really wish jenny was here right now, because i'd like to have sex. but its okay, through the proxy of the internet, she can at least talk to me. when you ride alone, you ride with hitler, but when i surf the internet, i surf it with jenny. hitler isn't such a bad roadtrip buddy though. he doesn't smoke, he likes to debate, he has good taste in bands once you overlook his attachment to better than ezra, & he always brings that little magnetic "sorry!" game.
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