mordicai caeli (mordicai) wrote,
mordicai caeli
mordicai

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was it you, colonel mustard?



M caeli: g'morning
raynn drop: hello
M caeli: [claps]
M caeli: i'm trying to become functional.
raynn drop: why is that?
raynn drop: i love how you say good morning at 1:30
M caeli: i guess i am going to roleplay on saturdays. this is probably good. but last night i had long distance date night with jenny & got? drinking
M caeli: its onlu noonthirty there!
raynn drop: yes
raynn drop: but i was going by your time
M caeli: i am a good m! i take your distance into account
raynn drop: i am accommodating like that
M caeli: [laughs]
raynn drop: haha
M caeli: so it was pretty fun when we last saw each other, huh?
raynn drop: yes
raynn drop: you were very nice to me thank you
M caeli: dude?
M caeli: we didn't even talk.
raynn drop: i'm teasing
M caeli: well i was nice!
M caeli: god-fucking-dammit.
raynn drop: you were
raynn drop: but we really didn't see each other at all
M caeli: no we didn't.
raynn drop: someday we should do that
M caeli: & also, never made eye contact.
raynn drop: someday when someone doesn't die
raynn drop: i didn't really know how
raynn drop: honestly
raynn drop: i didn't know how to act
M caeli: just cause i don't make such a flag out of it? you should know that i'm still you patriot.
raynn drop: you stood up for me slightly a couple times
raynn drop: i am still shakey in that group
M caeli: that sounds like something i would do for you.
raynn drop: you said i was stronger than i looked
M caeli: that group? is like salt on a plate. it used to be good, on french fries? but fuck 'em.
M caeli: i was real annoyed by leigh, actually. i've pretty much written her off.
raynn drop: why?
M caeli: you are strong. in all kinds of ways.
M caeli: i'm just sick of her selfish bullshit. & also, sick of her trying to wreck it for me.
raynn drop: what did she do?
raynn drop: and she has always been selfish
M caeli: like, guess who i blame for leaving me in minn?
raynn drop: that is not new
raynn drop: oh i see
M caeli: i know she has, but i'm bored of it.
raynn drop: ok
raynn drop: she is grace
M caeli: & also, trying to sabotauge me & jenny?
M caeli: got real old years ago.
raynn drop: i feel bad for her now
M caeli: trying to convince me that mark is trying to fuck jenny?
raynn drop: i think she is going to be very lonely
M caeli: does not commend one.
M caeli: i hope she is.
raynn drop: are you sure?
M caeli: i like phil. he should leave her.

raynn drop: i like phil a lot
raynn drop: i am frightened for them though
raynn drop: i have a feeling that he is going to fall in love
raynn drop: and then she will have no one
M caeli: i'm sure. leigh even went so stupid as to say "omg, are you going to let mark show jenny around his HOUSE?"
raynn drop: pardon me?
raynn drop: <sighs>
M caeli: [shrugs]
raynn drop: you are a real boy!
raynn drop: i always knew it
M caeli: just for her.
raynn drop: i know
M caeli: it doesn't work all the way.
raynn drop: but i still like it
raynn drop: thank you for talking to adam
M caeli: delete
raynn drop: he is really shy
M caeli: dude, i told you, adam is cool.
raynn drop: yes he is, he just climbes in a shell around groups he doesn't know
M caeli: i told chrissy the other day? if my opinion mattered in any way? i'd approve of him.
raynn drop: it does, you know
M caeli: well, he's in my group, whether he knows it or not.
raynn drop: he does
M caeli: no, it doesn't.
raynn drop: he likes you too
M caeli: good.
raynn drop: don't argue
M caeli: you & guest are permanently approved.
M caeli: i like to argue.
raynn drop: i know it
raynn drop: chrissy said she talked to you
M caeli: yes, she did. it was funny.
raynn drop: she is losing it
M caeli: one of those "i don't want to sustain hate"
raynn drop: i'm really worried
M caeli: speaches.
M caeli: she seemed together, to me.
M caeli: i mean, shaken, but okay.
raynn drop: yes
M caeli: she was chatty.
raynn drop: but it's going to be a longt ime before i have her back
M caeli: probably.
M caeli: maybe not so long? because somewhere inside her, she can't be SO surprised.
raynn drop: what do you mean?
M caeli: from what mark said? its leah-annes dad that had it the worst, by a long shot.
raynn drop: oh my god yes
raynn drop: he will never forget that image
M caeli: what i mean is just- i don't know.
M caeli: & also, i mean?
raynn drop: that she was suicidal?
raynn drop: and they ignored it?
raynn drop: yes
M caeli: yeah, something like that.
M caeli: not suicide.
M caeli: but i mean? we talked about it.
M caeli: about liking damage.
M caeli: trouble.
raynn drop: leigh ann?
M caeli: yes.
raynn drop: was really unstable
M caeli: like, i wonder if people realized we hung out.
M caeli: i know. we hung out.
raynn drop: i don't know how much i can say without sounding like a jerk
M caeli: trust me, i don't care if you sound like a jerk.
raynn drop: they enabled her
M caeli: i'm glad we are discussing it honestly.
M caeli: because no one else would.
M caeli: can i ask you a question?
raynn drop: no one deserves what they have to go through right now
raynn drop: yes
M caeli: do you think she knew about this baby? & her first?
raynn drop: yes
raynn drop: i do
M caeli: me too.
raynn drop: i think they are all at fault when it comes down to it
raynn drop: and i am worried that they will cannonize leigh ann to these children
M caeli: [nods] if i cared about pointing fingers, i'd agree.
M caeli: let em turn her into a saint.
M caeli: shaded one sided portrayal will do them well. what else would you have them do with ORPHANS?
raynn drop: it's not that i want to point fingers
M caeli: orphans.
M caeli: no, i know.
M caeli: i j ust say things in my way.
raynn drop: no i just feel like so many unhealthy things are about to happen
raynn drop: and there is nothing i can do about it
M caeli: i don't know.
raynn drop: chrissy used to say a lot about how my family was handling tami's death wrong
raynn drop: i would get so angry
M caeli: & now the shoe is on the other foot.
raynn drop: but i never would have wanted it this way
raynn drop: no they didn't know you hung out
M caeli: its okay.
raynn drop: in fact they were very selfsih about the funeral
M caeli: honey, you have to remember that i'm not a person. i don't need time for grieving or mourning. & if i had? offering to clean up would have taken care of it.
raynn drop: i know it
raynn drop: this is for me, actually
M caeli: [nods]
M caeli: how are you? for real.
raynn drop: not good
raynn drop: i know i looked aweful
M caeli: oh fucking god, shut up.
raynn drop: <blinks>
M caeli: he said, exasperatedly, not condemingly
M caeli: i don't know.
raynn drop: what don't you know?
M caeli: for real, you've got a good looking husband.
everyone of your old high school friends loves you more than any of their other high school friends,
i love you,
&you are still worried about that,
i'm not saying you shouldn't be,
that your problem isn't valid, i'm just saying its hard for me to deal with. which is a narrow way to view it, but i have to deal with being me. & not liking pain is not something i'm used to.
raynn drop: so my problem is valid?
raynn drop: you have never said that much before
M caeli: i'm glad that you are online.
raynn drop: ditto
M caeli: valid in that i won't detract from your struggle? yes. valid in that you secretly are a fattie passing yourself off as a regular girl? no. you are not fat, nor regular. [grin]
raynn drop: <growls>
M caeli: why!
M caeli: you could be regular!
M caeli: eat more fiber!
raynn drop: <giggles>
raynn drop: i'm actually better than i have been in a while in that respect
M caeli: good.
raynn drop: i am far from in shape or healthy
raynn drop: but i don't throw up
raynn drop: only once since the wedding
M caeli: i'm such a fucking martyr, that i want you to be happy even if i'm not part of it!
raynn drop: and i eat almost normal
M caeli: wtf, really?
M caeli: i'm incredibly fucking soothed by that!
raynn drop: normal as in my normal
raynn drop: i wish i were healthier
M caeli: you fucking bitch, for not telling me how fucking great you've been doing!
M caeli: i've been fucking worrying about y ou!
raynn drop: i used to use exercise as punishment
raynn drop: i think i needed to just stop that for a while to understand
M caeli: yeah, well, i wish i was healthier. i mean, i am much less tough than i was.
raynn drop: adam would never allow me to die
M caeli: good.
M caeli: okay, another question?
raynn drop: yes?
M caeli: did you yell at him for drinking too much in mentor?
raynn drop: he drinks when he is uncomfortable
raynn drop: i told him it probably wasn't the best thing to do
raynn drop: i didn't yell at him
M caeli: ok
raynn drop: why?
M caeli: [laughs & does that laugh-sigh thing]
M caeli: no why, its just what i heard.
raynn drop: from him?
M caeli: no, not from him, i didnt speak with him after he went to bed. i can't remember who mentioned it.
raynn drop: mark/
M caeli: okay?
M caeli: how are you about mark?
also, you really hurt me.
raynn drop: pardon me?
raynn drop: how?
M caeli: about mark going to kuwait.
raynn drop: no no hurting you
M caeli: dammit, i thought i could slide that in under the radar.
M caeli: i don't know.
raynn drop: nope
raynn drop: answer
M caeli: i had no part of you.
M caeli: in any way.
raynn drop: when i was there?
raynn drop: it didn't seem like you wanted one
M caeli: i counted. we said 17 words.
raynn drop: i was uncomfortable
raynn drop: i don't think jenny likes me
M caeli: !
M caeli: jenny likes you just fine. you may have been picking up on her uncomfortable vibe, maybe? since she knows you are the only other non brother person i love.
raynn drop: maybe
M caeli: i was really jenny-centric, mostly on account of leigh.
raynn drop: it's just every other tie i have seen her was really good
M caeli: but you were also on my mind.
raynn drop: like we would giggle about things and get along really well
M caeli: you want to know?
raynn drop: yes
M caeli: i'll tell you. since i'm okay with it.
M caeli: but jenny didn't come to visit me. if that wasn't clear.
M caeli: jenny came to see mark off.
raynn drop: it was mark
raynn drop: i know
raynn drop: i knew that
M caeli: right.
M caeli: she was a huge mess over it.
raynn drop: that shouldn't upset you
M caeli: it doesn't.
raynn drop: oh i see
raynn drop: got it
M caeli: her & mark were/are close.
raynn drop: i know
M caeli: like, i held her while she cried about it. so don't take her actions as uncoloured.
raynn drop: i know he loves her
raynn drop: we have talked about it
M caeli: who can blame him?
M caeli: {he says, loading his shotgun)
raynn drop: stop it
M caeli: i'm not worried.
raynn drop: you are defensive
M caeli: yes.
raynn drop: that is what drive girls away
raynn drop: so stop it
M caeli: i thought sleeping with nobodies drove girls away?
M caeli: am i allowed to joke?
raynn drop: that does too
raynn drop: yes
M caeli: good.
raynn drop: you sound good
M caeli: are you moving to louisville.
M caeli: i am pretty good? school & money are fucking with me.
raynn drop: nope
raynn drop: i was never moving there, nashville was an option
raynn drop: boston is morelikely
M caeli: but it is all? i'm still m. war war war.
raynn drop: adam may have a job there
M caeli: nashville, thats right.
M caeli: yes, i know.
M caeli: boston would be kind of close.
raynn drop: yup
raynn drop: adam is also sending his resume to david, chrissy's cousin
M caeli: where is that?
raynn drop: he hires for VH1 in NY
M caeli: if you lived in new york?
raynn drop: we would move
M caeli: shit. that would be ok.
M caeli: what a funny thing.
raynn drop: i know
raynn drop: i was waiting for him to be ready to leave
raynn drop: and he is now
M caeli: [nods]
M caeli: seriously?
raynn drop: yes
M caeli: get the FUCK out of there.
raynn drop: i know
raynn drop: if we stay one more year we will stay forever
M caeli: concordia life is surreal.
M caeli: its not any sort of place. its crazy.
raynn drop: we have barely been there actaully
M caeli: yeah, but it still counts.
raynn drop: minneapolis is fun though
raynn drop: and i keep getting hired around
M caeli: i liked minneapolis. when i saw it with gunn.
M caeli: maybe thats why i was so fucking fragile when i saw you?
raynn drop: i wanted to show everyone the fun stuff
raynn drop: there just wasn't time
raynn drop: fragile?
M caeli: yeah, why i fell apart everytime you turned away.
raynn drop: what ar eyou talking about?
M caeli: i dunno, forgetaboutit.
raynn drop: no
M caeli: really, don't worry about it. i'm just hedging around telling you i love you, since that isn't our style so much.
raynn drop: i don't understand
M caeli: its okay
M caeli: in the end, i'm not meant to be understood.
M caeli: it all ends up lonely.
M caeli: that is why there is the war.
raynn drop: nope nope not buying this
raynn drop: tell me what you were talking about
M caeli: when?
M caeli: its irrational. let it go.
raynn drop: you know i don't do that easliy
M caeli: [shrugs] okay.
M caeli: i don't know.
M caeli: (i've been saying that alot)
raynn drop: "fell apart every time you turned away"?
M caeli: it is just that i feel supremely brushed off.
M caeli: when i saw you in mentor, you had 17 words for me.
raynn drop: i was giving you girlfriend time
raynn drop: i felt comepltely out of place
M caeli: & everytime i talk to someone from mentor, you've already talked to them on the phone, or on the internet. more than you've talked to me.
raynn drop: and i really wanted to dance with you at my wedding
M caeli: & when i got stranded in your hometown, you didn't even return my calls, despite making sure i knew that you were not on a honey moon.
raynn drop: i didn't know you had called
M caeli: the wedding thing? all i can say is that i am an asshole.
M caeli: because i am.
raynn drop: and so am i i guess
M caeli: i'm not blaming you, theresa. i told you it was irrational.
raynn drop: it never seemed like you missed me that much
M caeli: [laughs]
M caeli: thats a joke.
M caeli: i've told two individuals that i love them.
raynn drop: no it's not
raynn drop: three
M caeli: you are the first.
M caeli: three who!!
raynn drop: was she a lie then?
M caeli: who?
M caeli: oh, her.
M caeli: oh that.
raynn drop: yeah that
M caeli: [shrugs]
raynn drop: ?
M caeli: fuck that.
M caeli: molotov cocktail.
raynn drop: ok
M caeli: thanks.
M caeli: alot.
raynn drop: pardon me?
M caeli: its 2
raynn drop: ok
M caeli: sorry.
raynn drop: i believe you
M caeli: can't get more than monosyllabic.
M caeli: i know.
raynn drop: so it was
M caeli: i'm just tellin'
M caeli: the end.
raynn drop: of the conversation?
M caeli: no.
raynn drop: good
M caeli: hi.
raynn drop: hi
M caeli: i'm just saying.
M caeli: i miss the hell out of you all night.
raynn drop: <confused>
M caeli: why!
raynn drop: i just don't get what you are trying to say
raynn drop: or even if you are
raynn drop: i think gollum should have won
M caeli: say what? you said youdidn't think i missedyou!
raynn drop: i didn't
raynn drop: but i believe you
M caeli: you say believe alot.
M caeli: its a smack in the face sort of.
M caeli: not like i'm yelling!
raynn drop: why is that?
raynn drop: no i just want you to know that i do
raynn drop: i'm really not being defensive
M caeli: that whole "don't believe me when i tell you i loveyou. know i do." thing i had going.
M caeli: i hate "believe"
raynn drop: ok
raynn drop: i know
M caeli: thats all i am saying.
raynn drop: ok
raynn drop: i understand
M caeli: [claps] yay.
raynn drop: and i miss you too
raynn drop: i'm glad we talk
raynn drop: even if it's rare
M caeli: its valuable.
M caeli: to me
raynn drop: and however weird it was at first, i'm glad you and adam get along
M caeli: so its okay to miss me?
M caeli: dude, guy likes star wars & has a livejournal. what more do i need?
M caeli: even if he does like bush.
M caeli: (notice my topical humor!)
raynn drop: of course it's ok to miss you
M caeli: well i get scortched earth, you know?
raynn drop: yes
M caeli: yeah, you would.
M caeli: [laughs]
M caeli: man, its saturday?
raynn drop: yup
raynn drop: shocking huh?
M caeli: i am on spring break, right? so fuck.
M caeli: okay, here is my my offer.
M caeli: next time we see each other? kiss on the cheek.
raynn drop: <smiles>
raynn drop: ok
raynn drop: from you or to you?
M caeli: we can do both?
M caeli: i dunno.
M caeli: i was sort of proposing it like a deal.
raynn drop: <laughs>
raynn drop: it's a deal
M caeli: sweet.
M caeli: if i was a lesbian, could we make out?
M caeli: 'cause that would be hot. two lesbos, going at it?
raynn drop: um
raynn drop: only if we sang like tatoo
raynn drop: i just have to warn adam
M caeli: dude, adam ought to watch.
M caeli: i'd watch!
M caeli: if i wasn't such a snatch-hungry dyke!
M caeli: okay, i gots to go.
raynn drop: oky
raynn drop: we will talk later
raynn drop: adam just made fun of my spelling
M caeli: hahah
raynn drop: tatoo vs, tatu, theres no way in hell I'd let her hook up with the midget from fantasy island.
M caeli: wait, i guess i have a few minutes
raynn drop: did you read that dog story on my journal?
M caeli: says adam?
M caeli: yeah, i saw that.
raynn drop: yep
M caeli: dogs are tough.
raynn drop: dogs rule.
M caeli: i am reading a book called bear vs. shark.
M caeli: dude, i want to fight things.
raynn drop: there really isn't enough brawling happening anymore.
raynn drop: bar fights arn't nearly as common anymore, its a shame.
raynn drop: theresa now:
raynn drop: i'm going out
raynn drop: thank you for talking
M caeli: wah?
M caeli: i
m
s
o
confused.
M caeli: not bar fights adam, fighting predators!
M caeli: sharks!
M caeli: polar bears!
M caeli: ass weasels!
M caeli: greys!
raynn drop: sorry
raynn drop: actually we are both leaving
raynn drop: bye bye
raynn drop: james?
M caeli: yes?
raynn drop: goodbye
M caeli: bye.
raynn drop: <smiles>
M caeli: xo

M caeli: mark?
jgoines12: james
jgoines12: how are you
M caeli: whats up, you stone cold motherfucker. gonna kill you some sandniggers!
jgoines12: yep
jgoines12: real soon
M caeli: i'm good. talking to theresa. which is good.
jgoines12: awesome
jgoines12: i just got an email from her
M caeli: hells yes! a-m-e-r-i-c-a!
jgoines12: i just bought some books to bring with me
jgoines12: and zwan
M caeli: so any clarificiation on when you are leaving?
M caeli: zwan?
jgoines12: probably monday or so
jgoines12: zwan, with billy corigan
M caeli: vurt? house of leaves?
jgoines12: read them
jgoines12: i bought enders game, the sound and the fury
M caeli: i didn't know that.
jgoines12: slapstick
M caeli: ender's game = pretend you are 14
jgoines12: and a book with a monkey man on the cover
jgoines12: never read it, thought i should
M caeli: its tight.
jgoines12: yeah
M caeli: like kuwaity pussy!
jgoines12: just talked to my mom, she's all sad
jgoines12: i'm scared of arab women
M caeli: dude, fuck all those dumb girls! guns & fucking ammo! bombs! friendly fire! go usa!
M caeli: lets roll!
M caeli: man, you have to make out with hot arab girls.
jgoines12: we'll see
M caeli: you HAVE TO
jgoines12: i bet they're hot under all that huh?
jgoines12: i can't wait to go on vacations when i get back, because i'll have a ton of money and time
jgoines12: my small pox itches like a mother fucker
M caeli: nice!
M caeli: the shot?
jgoines12: yeah
jgoines12: it sucks a week later
jgoines12: it makes everyone's armpits hurt lately
jgoines12: how w as your time with jenny
M caeli: it was great, of course, since she is.
jgoines12: rock on
M caeli: i rearranged my room for her.
jgoines12: she says she's going to write a lot
M caeli: or more precisely, for sex with her.
jgoines12: how so
M caeli: she probably will.
jgoines12: oh, i see
jgoines12: carla doesn't get my emails
M caeli: why?
jgoines12: it's filled up or something
jgoines12: now i feel like calling is a nuisance
jgoines12: but i probably will before i go
M caeli: you should.
jgoines12: i talked to her last week a bit
jgoines12: and chrissy yesterday
M caeli: did you mention the andrew thing?
jgoines12: she's doing okay
jgoines12: no, i'm not going to
jgoines12: you're right, it's like i'm her father
M caeli: [laughs]
jgoines12: i feel like, well good luck with a relationship that you don't tell people about
jgoines12: that works
jgoines12: i should know
jgoines12: when you're happy, you let everyone know
jgoines12: i felt that way about her once
jgoines12: i saw shanghai knights last night
jgoines12: i liked it
jgoines12: jackie chan is so amazing
M caeli: i wanna see it.
M caeli: okay, i gots to go.
jgoines12: okay, write me a letter or something, or send pictures
jgoines12: i'm sure the desert gets boring
M caeli: the desert rules!
jgoines12: we'll see
M caeli: [laughs] will you steal supplies for me?
jgoines12: i hope so, but i may have to hide them well on my way back through customs
M caeli: i want a weapon, mark.
jgoines12: ooh, that may be though
jgoines12: things have changed in the past 60 years
jgoines12: but i'll do what i can
M caeli: kbar, mark.
jgoines12: okay
M caeli: i needs me a kbar.
jgoines12: you can buy them here you know
M caeli: not the same!
M caeli: not at all the same!
jgoines12: okay, we'll see
M caeli: i've always wanted my uncles knife.
M caeli: seriously.
jgoines12: they're pretty awesome
M caeli: also, i will hook you up with the ex-marines when you come back. unless you die.
jgoines12: what ex marines
M caeli: gene decka!
M caeli: the old nam marines who own a bar!
jgoines12: who's that?
jgoines12: oh, i bet they're crazy huh?
M caeli: fucking lunatics.
jgoines12: they can be like that
jgoines12: especially those veterans
M caeli: you are going to be allowed in vfws!
jgoines12: yeah, the hostpital the loans all of it
M caeli: & vfws!
M caeli: cheap beer, mark!
jgoines12: so i can plan on becomming an alcoholic
M caeli: so where areyou, now?
M caeli: physically.
jgoines12: in the rec center at camp lejeune, north carolina
jgoines12: sweatin my balls off
M caeli: i like how you talk in swear words now!
jgoines12: i'm going to publish the first marine corps dictionary, it's going to be fucking hilarious
M caeli: so dude, i talked to jeff? & he's not made out with anyone yet!
M caeli: tell me some marine stuff.
jgoines12: yeah, he says he's not interested in that stuff, yeah righ
jgoines12: leather nuts
M caeli: what is that?
M caeli: like, i wasn't intrested in it. i mean, no sex is easy. but dude, sex!
jgoines12: well, there's a term leather necks which comes from the collars they used to wear a thousand years ago or something, and so you can call someone a leatherneck, but it's funnier to call them leather nuts
jgoines12: tell me about it
M caeli: leather nuts is cool! you leather nut!
jgoines12: ha
jgoines12: hygiene is my favorite
M caeli: jeff just needs a new hippie chick. i should hook him up. like, i bet he has no taste.
M caeli: tell me.
jgoines12: you could be brushing your teeth, clipping your toe nails, and just be like, hey i'm doing some hygeine here
jgoines12: yeah, he's easily fooled by girls
M caeli: oh, thats normal millitary stuff though, about hygeine.
M caeli: like, my dad did that.
jgoines12: i know, but it cracks me up to say hygeine instead of all the other words you could use
jgoines12: it just replaces them
M caeli: dude, you have to kill someone! i'll be so jealous.
M caeli: if you kill someone, i'll always be like "& this is my friend mark. he killed a guy once."
jgoines12: maybe i'll kill a bunch, i mean it is a machine gun that i use
jgoines12: i dreamt about machine guns last night
M caeli: hahahahahahahahahahahahahah
M caeli: you rule.
jgoines12: and i laughed real hard about the machine gun in shanghai knights
jgoines12: i think that was why i dreamt about them
M caeli: i havn't seen shanghai knights- why was the gun funny?
jgoines12: it was a strange combination of real machinegun parts and really fictional primitive machine gun parts
jgoines12: i think i might have to go soon
jgoines12: i only get an hour
M caeli: okay, get out of here, i'm done with you, you bastard.
M caeli: you leather nuts.
M caeli: call jenny, ok?
jgoines12: i will
jgoines12: talk to you in a while
M caeli: later.
M caeli: unless you die.
jgoines12: yeah
jgoines12: bye
M caeli: bye.
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