ate two (2!) burritos the size of my head today from chipotle. which basically means that at the bar i didn't dance or drink because i was in a crippling way. but i decide decide to think really hard about the inventor of coca-cola, & also about how i want to start calling every city ever "the murder capitol of the world." & symon was here! he came up from colombus, since now he's back. aaron got very drunk, but another thing aaron also got was a girl named zoe's phone number.
& cortney was there, & is it just me, or does it become more akward every time i see her? because god-damn. i don't know. apparently on friday she called me & left a message, which is very strange. it would mark the first real outreach on her behalf to have any kind of relationship with each other besides being civil at the bar. i don't know- its maybe fucked up that i'm arguably better friends with ted than i am with her, right? & what can you expect. there is a whole history there, but alot of that history is good; or at least, i thought so. it is all a mess, really. sample of conversation (ready for remix):
cortney: "oh i was hanging out with her earlier. she was with her (ex-boyfriend)."
m: "see, i don't get that."
cortney: "oh i do."
m: (dense, is not catching on)
cortney: "getting along really well with some one, & spending all your time with them, & talking to them all the time, & sleeping with them, but not dating them? yeah, i get that."
m: (ohh...) "yeah, that sounds weird & really destructive."
cortney: "oh yes."
but at the end of the night, she came over & there was an akward wave; then i thought, fuck it, & hugged her, & that seemed to make her really happy. but i don't know. its not like a hug makes anything better. but that phone call is a diffrent story. who knows, maybe we can be friends? which is ridiculous coming from me, because i'm like, the enemy of being friend's with ex's. at least in theory, i guess. this whole thing is made more complicated by the fact that last week, for some unknown reason, i really wanted her to know that i was glad she was my best friend, even if it only was for a little while. i can't even fathom what way i want her in my exsistance, or how it would work. but i suppose i still do. color me a sucker.
everyone seemed really pleased to find out that thursday's doesn't actually follow the laws & have last call before two thirty (2:30) or whenever. then there was glass smashing & aaron drunkenly insisting that he could drive the car home, & symon half bitter that he wasn't able to drink as much as he wanted, since the designated driver was hammered. but anyhow, symon! at the end of the evening lindsey came over & have me a hug & bit my neck. i asked her if she was alright & she said no; that she wanted her boy. & i was in complete agreement with that sentiment.