i tore everything off my walls. i expect to give all my trashy sci-fi novels to salvation army. but see, that all means i have to tell someone. i've told maybe three individuals (i balk at people). jenny, nine, kingtycoon. jenny has been amazing. she is not totemic of what i fight for but she is occasionally symbolic. her honest belief in me is the opposite of numbing. i do not understand it, but she somehow believes in me. i am a stupid college kid. the end. i can beat that shit.