& it is much worse than that & the only one i can bare to tell it all to? is the one i'm most afraid to tell it to. so i say it to jenny. i don't turn to anyone else, other than tatu. but like. omg. i don't know what to do. but. um actually, no but. someone please tell me what to do when you've been evicted from a place you never signed a contract to live. secretly, i had hoped that symon would be back before the french blade came down. i do better with his assistance- or rather, he's better at this than me. i don't know what i've done. it is hard for me to imagine the world as important. which is code for me not wanting to acknowledge things as real. i'd laugh if i knew what to do. they want me to come to court. so fuck you, i am afraid. i just want to run. but i promised, so i stay. probably, this isn't worse than someone else has been. but i am still confused.