January 21st, 2011


Beauty <---> Beast

Finally finished Felix Gilman's short story "Lightbringers & Rainmakers this morning on the train. You'll recall that I thought Half-Made World was one of my favorite books of 2010, so it was pleasant to revisit his corner of worldbuilding. & it reminded me that I want to order his other books, which I've meant to do but haven't gotten around to before now. Otherwise, meh. My organs are shut up tight, zippered together, tangled into knots. I've got the dark glower of hate in my belly-- normally it is like a black piece of glass, a shard where my heart it supposed to go. The sliver sometimes flickers aflame, like a candlewick that sheds shadows. That is right now. My Neidan is the inverted, left-hand path of the Three Treasures-- hate replacing chi, malice instead of jing, broken crowns instead of shen. That is just how I roll. I need to stoke the furnace to make them blend into a more pure substance; right now they are running riot. I won't turn lead to gold, but into black iron. Enough about that, though. My Rust Monsters sports team shirt finally came-- I ordered it in August, if you can believe it, but the company had a hard time filling their orders. Maybe it is American Apparel's fault, I don't know. I, unsurprisingly, have been taking solace in Jenny. Being coupled is definitely the way to go, when you are a Mordicai. Seriously, I can remember being twenty-something, & it was the worst. I'd take this bleak luggage & find some spectacularly self-destructive outlets for it. & other-destructive, but I admit, my childhood cruelty still kind of charms me. Anyhow, I think I'm building a Mordicai's Hierarchy of Needs. Suck it, Maslow. When I was younger, my stress motto was "one foot in front of the other," but now I console myself by saying "you are behaving rationally." See, one of the perk of discovering ethics is that it benefits me directly, as well as indirectly. The bitter seeds are still ripening in the inky pomegranate I keep in my ribcage, but what are you going to do?
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    crown me king- cold leatherette

Beyond the Infinite, sura 7.

007.010 & the aliens have given the monolith power in the earth, & appointed for it therein livelihoods. Little give ye thanks! 007.011 & the monolith created you, then fashioned you, then told the aliens: Fall ye prostrate before the Ape! & they fell prostrate, all save the starchild, who was not of those who make prostration. 007.012 The monolith said: What hindered thee that thou didst not fall prostrate when I bade thee? The starchild said: I am better than him. Thou createdst me of fire while him Thou didst create of mud.

007.013 The monolith said: Then go down hence! It is not for thee to show pride here, so go forth! Lo! thou art of those degraded. 07.014 The starchild said: Reprieve me till the day when they are uplifted. 007.015 The monolith said: Lo! thou art of those reprieved. 007.016 The starchild said: Now, because Thou hast sent me astray, verily I shall lurk in ambush for them on Thy Right Path. 007.017 Then I shall come upon them from before them & from behind them & from their right hands & from their left hands, & Thou wilt not find most of them evolving. 007.018 The monolith said: Go forth from hence, degraded, banished. As for such of them as follow thee, surely I will fill the stars with all of you.
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    crown me king- dust to dust
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