("Other Jane", original photo by Mathieu Young, MSPaint by Mordicai.)
Well yesterday sure was exciting! The subway dropped me off in my neighborhood, & halfway up the stairs out of the station I realized that it was dark & drizzling, so I got out my umbrella. I called Jenny to see if she needed me to pick up dinner or something & then the world ended. Seriously, the sky opened up & suddenly dumped buckets of water on me. It wasn't raining cats & dogs-- it was raining saber-tooth tigers & dire wolves. Which would have been shocking enough, with that sudden fury-- but that was just phase one? Category one? Next were the rapid lightning strikes, simultaneous with the thunder. CRACK-BOOM! KRAKAGAR! BLAMMO! It was nuts, but just a prelude, because then the wind kicked up to...lets be conservative & say fifty miles an hour? Highway speeds. & the rain got heavier! Somehow. I couldn't see across the street; literally, my range of of vision was about two meters. Yeah, I just mixed up English measures with metrics-- that is how disorienting it was! My umbrella flipped, then straightened, & then bent at a 45° angle. I started sprinting home, but couldn't sometimes, because I had my forward momentum arrested by the winds. I couldn't even walk, I had to push. & dodge falling trees; I'm really not exaggerating about that. I kept my umbrella out, even broken, as a screen against debris, & then took care not to be killed by toppling tree trunks. I walked the way I took home this morning in reverse, & counted four fallen trees on the path. Full grown trees-- tree sized trees. It turns out, there was a tornado! Now, back in the Wastelands, there were tornadoes all the time. I was locked in the library basement more than once; it was a fallout shelter & they were legally unable to let us go, so I just read vintage Playboys in the basement. Issue one! Still, there is a big difference between "close" in the Wasteland & "close" in Gotham City. This was "close" as in, its epicenter was my neighborhood.
People might make fun of these two guys for sounding all "double rainbow," but I think my conversation on the phone with Jenny was no better. "Dude, baby it is crazy. Dude! DUDE! WOAH! THIS IS CRAZY BABY! DUUUUDE!" Yeah, sorry, in a tornado my number one concern is not sounding blasé, like some cool Hollywood tough guy. Anyhow, I got home drenched, & changed into dry clothes. Jenny had made a dinner of green beans & steak, & for the steak she used the rub from Kerry & Chris' wedding! It was very tasty. We are dogsitting Claudio, Carla's dog, & once the tornado was well past we took him for a walk to go meet up with fatbutts & her dog Archie. Surveying the damage along the way was a lot of fun-- 6th avenue was blocked in parts by fallen trees, & so was 6th street & 5th street. There were a lot of fallen boughs on the sidewalks too. Nuts! Fun! Claudo & Archie met, sniffed each other's butts, & then we went back to our apartment, but Archie couldn't stay. Archie is playful & Claudio is not into other dogs, really. Then Lilly came back, & fordmadoxfraud & elladorian showed up, & we were all ready for our impromptu Television Night! David & Maggie hadn't seen the first episode, so we queued that up on our computer & put it on. I had seen it already so I read some of the comics David had given me-- most notably Grant Morrison's Batman & Robin, which is amazing. I can't tell you how exciting his work has been for the past few years. The fact that the best superhero comics of the last decade are, hands down, his Superman & his Batman stories? That is just great; it is really wonderful that the archetypal characters, the titans of the medium, are the best exemplars of it.
Then finally the first episode was over, & we started the second episode! It was pretty darling, from the pointless high-wire catwalk down to the rather boring photo shoot. You know what, I'm pretty sure I just liked it because Ann did well, & obviously she's the only legitimate weirdo in the bunch. When asked what kind of man she's looking for, she said "a warlock." Good looking out, Ann. I hope you make some diabolist very happy some day. The shoot was just words written on their bodies, which seemed like a cheap plot to get some emotions out of them-- but hey, I watch for the characters, so I'll take it. Kayla was the one who had a breakdown, but an endearing one-- she had been pulled out of school for being bullied when she came out of the closet. Hey, I guess that is as good an argument for Harvey Milk High School as you are likely to find; I remember thinking "that sounds a little 'separate but equal' to me..." when I was younger. Clearly missing the point. Anyhow, Kayla had a personality & a decent photo, so she's okay in my book. No one else was really notable besides Anamaria, who went home. Anamaria! You talked trash about all the other contestants, non-stop, & didn't win any friends with the viewers because of that-- but on top of that, you were scary skinny. I'm not one to point to skinny girls & body snark; skinny is my jam. If I was playing armchair diagnosis, though-- as I did when I guessed Ann had Marfan's-- I'd certainly guess that you had some eating problems. Your statements like "I don't care what they say, I know what I see in the mirror" don't make you sound like someone who is healthy & skinny; that, coupled with your atrophied limbs & bragging about your calorie restricted diet? Spooky skin & bones concerns. I think Tyra kicked her off with some class, & tried to be helpful-- she didn't confront Annamaria or try to "accuse" her of anything; she rather tried to appeal to the motivations, tried to encourage positive body image & eating habits. Made it about "you are probably too skinny to work as a model," which might have a shot at helping her not starve herself. Whatever, I get it-- what can you do?