June 8th, 2010

rock angst

Secular & Inconsolable.

("Stonehenge at Night" by Harold Edgerton.)

On my lonesome ownsome I might be like, brittle & sharp. Jenny is the carbon alloyed into my iron to keep me from shattering sharp shards everywhere. I'm not really in a bad way, just a little bit my heart is in my throat. The black bird is struggling against my rib cage. Yesterday I came home & went to the gym for a half an hour. A half an hour! I had plans, which is why, but I wanted to keep rolling, you know what I mean? Going to the gym for thirty minutes is better than nothing, & since I didn't do any cardio I got a fair amount done, all things considered. Need to suck it up for tonight, too. Yeah, that is the ticket. Be gym-rat Mordicai, put some of this nervous energy to use. I only knocked out the tiny bit I did because I had supper plans with my tribe. I went over to Kira & Nino's apartment & we plotted our next move; when Kira suggested Ethiopian I jumped, I struck like a cobra, a viper, a rattlesnake. Yes, that is what I want; also Nino never had done? Somehow! So we walked down to Ghenet & got a spread of meats & lentils & the like! I had the "Tradewinds" cocktail, which had some tequila in it. I usually never want tequila, so that was odd. Nino had the same, & the honey wine, which-- like mead, you really only want a mouthful. Nino & Kira ran into a gym-cult buddy, & I thought I saw someone I knew in the restaurant, but I was probably mistaken, & either way, ask me if I give a damn! I don't; well, maybe a little. Old habits die hard, like old vampires. Afterward we walked up to their place again so I could grab the milk jug. It is nice to spend time with them; they are being integrated full-scale into my life, & that is pretty ace with me. Full-scale? Mega-scale! Maybe we'll even develop of communal True Blood season three viewing schedule. Then of course I got home & stayed up for another hour or so...because why go to sleep. Stupid. Then this morning I jumped out of bed & installed a new toilet seat! I broke the old toilet seat...with butt muscles. Or well anyhow, I broke it. The new one is on now though. Anyhow, I really should be getting back onto team "Jenny Lewis is not a P-Zombie" right now.
wardlock thinking

& Mordicai said "I'm going to kill them all with my hammer, like I killed my parents."

I just don't get the point, I guess? Of going to bed. I mean-- I'm really spoiled, I know that, I get that. Sometimes funny to remember what an enemy of mine sleep is, & how hopelessly melo-romantic I am. I say melo-romantic; it is better than saying melo-dramatic, & more accurate, I guess. Seriously though, the normalizing & stabilizing presence of Jenny is kind of my important adaptation. I'm not a disaster without her; like I've learned lessons? I'm an evolver. I'm your huckleberry, Darwin. That doesn't mean I have to like it! Fine tonight, behaviorally. Took a lunch break of wandering around Metropolis with Tom talking about Oubliette. I went to the gym, put in a nice bit of work there. Came home, showered & finished the book I was reading. That ought to have put the nail in the coffin of the evening. Yet well, here we are. Not too late-- I'm not going to whirlpool whippoorwill in some self-destructive trajectory. Like I said, I am the guy on Titan sucking down hydrogen & acetylene. I'm just, you know, looking around & thinking about how superior the average take-it-for-granted is than the rest. Disobedient brain & rebel bones. Instead I occupy myself with word play. I'm on fire! Let me tell you about 19XX & Metagrammaton, both of which (c) Mordicai like yesterday is on fire. So what am I saying? Besides-- well, seriously? This is a thing I've found out? Or remembered I guess I should say. When I'm lying in the dark trying to fall asleep, I lift my arms straight out & shake my fists at the heavens. That is how I roll. & now I should try to roll into the grave. I mean, grave's end. I mean, that is a real place? Is it? It all seems really gauzy. Like I could reach my fingers out & tear right through it. See, basically the only thing keeping me from sitting in the dark just chortling & grinning ear to ear with knives for teeth & fingers is that I really, really like my wife. So I am going to go listen to "The Origin of Love" to take a break from the Jenny Lewis for a second. Can you handle that?
  • Current Music
    crown me king- —All You P-Zombies—