October 25th, 2007


(no subject)

usagi yojimbo: circles by stan sakai.

okay, well, i've hit a stopping block with these guys: we're out of the rest of the issues. the series goes up to, what, like 21 now? something huge. he's been writing it since the mid-eighties (87ish?) so there is plenty to chow down on. anyhow, i quite liked the beginning of this, & though the end wasn't a let down or anything, it wasn't to my preference. i sort of hate his "homecoming" stories, because i hate his childhood sweetheart. like- if you are going to do the honorable thing, shut up about it instead of burdening everyone with it! it isn't honorable to behave that way! anyhow, the "reveal" of that story isn't my favorite either, though usagi behaved commendably throughout. david said my instincts are to stifle all drama, but i told him i just prefer the competent, non-sucky protagonist. like: i want spider-man to shut up. just sit down & clean his fucking plate. come on spidey! you're smarter than all these fucktards, & a better fighter, & you should be at the head of the table. you ought to be taking captain america's place, not fucking off on some nickle-&-dime soap opera shit. talk about a letdown. usagi would have this situation handled or if not, then he'd at least be dealing with his own fucking shit. & he'd do it without violating bushido. learn a fucking lesson, pete!
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goblin's grimace

(no subject)

here is the thing: marvel comics (joe quesada) is stupid. just...brain-angry-making stupid. take civil war: what an insulting bunch of pandering & pap. so, what next? why, lets fuck with spider-man! listen, i want to make it clear: i don't blame spidey for being emo-- i blame editorial mandates for spider-man being emo. i mean, do you know what the fucking situation is right now? i want to tell you. or rather, i wish i had nothing to say-- nothing!-- because spiderman was so awesome & sweet & was, like i said, filling the void that captain america "left" & was basically king of everybody & anytime a bad guy would show up he'd like, web their face or something. seriously, magneto? web in the face! then maybe a couple of punches. done! spider-man should be the fucking president of the marvel universe, okay? dc knows what the fuck to do with their properties. superman & batman? kings of the jla, winners at everything, right? spider-man? fucktard. but. see, spider-man actually got the girl. not just that, but the girl-they-planned (gwen stacy) turned out NOT to be the right girl for him- the feisty best friend was! stan lee was as surprised as anybody! so, okay, spider-man at least has the girl. wait for it....

so marvel wants to break them up.

why? heck, i don't know. i get that comic books are soap opera by nature; there is a serial drama element that is demanded. but listen, there are certain tropes that are too tired. you have to put them to rest, & more importantly, you don't have to trot them out for every fucking character over & over! i mean, how many times has this happened? seperated, whatever. get over your shit marvel. get. over. it. okay? shit, i'm fucking glad that none of my guys are buying this. vote with your wallet: vote against one more day. because you know how they are breaking them up? with like, cosmic, magic, world breaking shit. how. fucking. insulting. okay. so! with that said, here is my commentary on this above advert, which is a good advertisement, so there is that. reading like a book:

panel one: ezekiel. i really liked this guy. he's the best thing to come out of jms's whole "spider totem" thing. see, he's basically a grown-up peter parker. not like, a clone or from the future, just thematically. & you know what? zeke's got his shit together, mostly. i want other writers to use this guy. he's the thing that makes us at the bookshop pitch "spider-man, ceo of oscorp."

panel two: iron man. iron man needs to stay out of spider-man continuity, because i am sick of seeing tony stark get punked, & i can't see any other character interaction beside spider-man beating the shit out of him. can you? so yeah, i'm just going to pretend that isn't even on this poster.

panel three: super skrull. wait, SUPER SKRULL? what the fuck? i'm...i don't understand!

panel four: loki. the odds on favorite. i wonder. the thor comic is sort of getting it's feet under it, so maybe? most people seem to favor loki. if it is loki, i hope it is offered in a friendly manner: i liked spidey & loki getting along. that was a fun little comic. anyhow, loki could do it, but he just isn't plugged into the spider-man mythos, which is also why i kind of discount him

panel five: daredevil. okay, listen. daredevil can't save himself, or his wife, or any of his girlfriends. if you need a guy to beat up ninjas, barflies, or the kingpin, matt murdock is your guy. but seriously, he's a fucking mess. i can't really imagine that he could help peter parker, unless it is with some good fucking legal advice. seriously, poor matt murdock has like, the worst life ever.

panel six: valkyrie. a more interesting pitch than loki, but another "what the fuck is she doing showing up to the party?" i mean, she's....dead, first thing, right? wait, i can't even pretend that i know her story. what is her story? she's like, a real valkyrie, right, not somebody with a crush on thor? hey, what if this is supposed to be sif? & she's all "i know what is up with loving heroes!"

panel seven: venom. you know, i like this. at least the big V is part of spider-man's myth cycle, which makes me inclined to accept him. if it is this guy right here, i'm going to call it & say that it is the symbiote itself, not the scorpion or whoever is wearing it right now. in fact, this might be an okay way to fix that little mess (it is only a little mess. i just don't think it is working). so venom, i could buy that. he HATES wedding bells!

panel eight: the scarlet witch. wanda lost her mind one time & hooked spider-man up with his (dead) ex. she's got deus ex machina powers, but no finesse with them. i could see this is a story, & wanda has been out of it long enough that i could see this as the platform for bringing her back. i'd accept that. just don't tell her about spider-man's kidnapped & forgotten-out-of-continuity baby. she HATES that.

panel nine: people are saying this is emma frost. i think they are all out of their mind. as far as i'm concerned, this is very clearly a young lady known as gwen stacy. i don't know if she's going to have anything to do with that, but i could see re-introducing her to the land of the living as marvel's attempt to "spice up" spider-man with a love triangle. 'course, i already get that in spider-man <3s mary jane but whatever. i will be annoyed that marvel is addicted to the "bring everyone back from the dead" bug.

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rose code

the pilgrim's progress.

okay, here is the thing i'm mulling over: the earth is fucking freezing, right? i mean, the actual lowest temperature, the actual lowest temperature is minus 273.15, right? it doesn't get slower. that means every molocule has stopped moving. what is the highest? i dunno, omnipresence? or all of the atoms moving at the speed of light, or something? is that a valid answer? & earth ranges from what, -89 to to 58 degrees, right? FUCK THAT IS COLD! although, you know, looking at the numbers, it isn't that hot on the surface of the sun! what, like 5526 degrees? that is fucking not that much! i thought it was going to be berserk high. okay, the highest possible, theoretically, is 1.41679 x 10^32 kelvins. which is 141,679,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,273 degrees. okay, that is pretty hot, but outside of the big bang or the death of a black hole, you ain't gonna get that. anyhow, i just wonder if, statistically, solids are an aberration. isn't most stuff a gas these days? all stars, or stars exploding into nebula, or whatever? whatever. in 10^500,000 years it'll all be iron & dark. remember that lesson, jedi younglings!

here is another thing: work makes me a patronizing dick. there just isn't any other appropriate social evolution, & it is sort of annoying. i try not to reflexively be patronizing, but there are just so many customers who can only be dealt with by approaching them like children. i don't mean to sound insulting to you, guy, but you just came in here with zero (0) information besides the colour of the book's cover. i don't have any other social paradigm to come at you with other than being a patronizing dick asking if your mommy pinned your home address to your snowsuit, okay? you are forcing me into this! so sometimes i sneer at someone without meaning to-- like, i can't begrudge freshman for not knowing how to "properly" pronounce greek playwrights, you know? they're here to learn that! so: sorry, kid! but the guy who was in right before you pronounced "atonement" as...well, it wasn't right. it wasn't close to right. it wasn't a word. it was...bad.

i talk shit about gwedolyn f.m. kestral. i do! i know i do. as far as i can tell, she brings a gross worst-parts-of-forgotten-realms sensibility to the table that don't jive with this hombre. she & me don't see eye to eye! or again, from what i guess from books she's worked on. though she has worked on books i did like, like the underdark book. but like, isn't she totally to blame for the stupid "spawn of tiamat" concept? i got that impression somehow. but the thing i wanted to say is that races of the dragon was a total fucking stinker. spellscales & dragonborn are heartbreakingly bad; they're like, bad sitcom bad. totally gross. & the one bright chance to make kobolds a playable race? squandered! you could have slipped in some optional stats or something, guys! there was, however, one thing that i really did like. there is a statement on the kobold afterlife at one point, & i thought it was interesting & engaging. basically, if you die doing your duty to the clan, you are reincarnated as a kobold. if you die, not honorably or dishonorably, you are reincarnated as a dire weasel (which they ride, in this story). if you die a traitors death, you are reincarnated as the giant cockroaches the kobolds hunt for food & make armor out of. i thought that was a nice little cycle. so if that was you, gwen...do that, but more.

Poll #1077443 bad things happen to everybody.


getting hit by a bus.
being shot by a gun.
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work neighborhood.

so everytime i go into the bank, i just run game in my head about bustin' up the place. not even robbing it; just smashing it up, smashing it apart. like, gimmie a sledge hammer & that bullet proof glass! or just how sweet it would be to climb it & try to break it. the same thing happens whenever i'm anywhere, but that clear lexan is just screaming temptation at me. i always curl my fingers around it through the coin-slot & think about just tearing & rending. also what happened to me today was that i went into the bakery & they had sawdust on the floor! super classy. i was charmed & crooned a little croon. oh, & i figured out that when i order brown rice, the reason it takes them the specific length of time that it does? like, not quick & not too long? is because the microwave is involved. i discovered that with my sleuthing. this is what i've been up to in the neighborhood today. i brought my own coffee from home, though! keeping tabs on that! i'm keeping tabs on everything, because i am a special astronaut: a memetic one! a self-reinforcing meme! it is a trick i picked up in tunguska. a little knack i've got. like some people can shuffle cards fancy.
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wednesday's wines.

big moose red, california, 2002.
i learned a trick drinking this wine: a way to like, slurp a sip & aerate it.
j: grapey, no smell. d: punchy. m: boy scout canteen.

richard bourgeois sauvignon blanc, sancerre, 2006.
j: nice. m: cave rice. g: unsuspecting. d: sweet frost.

hugel gentil, alsace, 2005.
m: charcoal dino. j: perfect colour. tape. g: grape glue. d: grape sterno.

land of fire, argentina, 2006.
m heard g say: "wtf epcot. vampire. jejune."
m: future disney world. j: watered down. g: lick the air. d: water in peaches.

chateau la gatte, bordeaux blanc, 2005.
g: cold. m: tetrodotoxin. j: icey.
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forever sleep

fury & gear school.

fury by garth ennis & darick robertson.

so. fucking. boring. hey, can you tread any more water garth ennis? why heck, i bet you can! why bother making new characters when you can through arseface in a uniform & call him fuckface? i guess that "max" on the cover really let you "get loose!" you hack! whatever. same old dumb shit ennis throws out when he isn't thinking. he's a universal bastard! that makes whatever he does okay! oh, yeah, & plus the obligatory lame sidekick schtick. like i didn't hate veitch enough; this is your legacy! i blame him. why not! i'll blame whoever i want to. yeah, this thing? don't bother with it.

gear school by adam gallardo & nuria peris.

cute girls with giant fighting robots? i dunno, sounds kinda dicey....okay! i'm in! anyhow, this first issue is, frankly, too brief. you could have gotten me! but it wasn't much more than a first issue. & we only saw one type of fighting robot, the airplane type. MORE FIGHTING ROBOTS PLEASE. other than that, i don't know? i'm jaded to the whole "school for X" formula by now. i'm even proof against the "these two characters have a plausible relationship!" thing as a selling point. i mean, it is good that you have "characters." but i've grown to expect that. the tone is similar to a lot of its peers, without anything to distinguish it from them. maybe more fighting robots...in space? that is always a nice spice for the soup!
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