January 8th, 2006


ohio ex-girlfriend update: danielle.

apparently theresa said that the reason i like danielle so much is because she has always liked me no matter what, without ever quitting. okay? loyalty? i'll put that in my piggy bank. & oh, i get it, girls. i get that you don't like her. i don't blame you. she's got a...thing going on. whatever it is. it is the source of our ill-fitting. but she isn't superficial like that. well, not superficial. philosophically unintresting, or whatever you want to call it. it is instead a weird moral hedonism. or hedonism for morality. or something like that. she just wants to feel good? to be happy? well, i've got nothing but disdain for THAT, but at least that is a ethos. while for her part, she can only call me a nihilist, & delusional. which i suppose could always be the case. but i like plan: secret angel agent better, myself. but yeah, she HAS always stuck by me. which, for the record, earns her about a billion trillion points. i uh, maybe have an abandonment complex. it takes us about four hours in each other's presences to figure out how to act around each other, but after that, it is all green lights. anyhow, she's got her weird chinese opera school thing going on, with the trapeze & the acting & whatever else. fencing? maybe. & her older guy in seattle. good for her. i'm sure its all a mess, but it is her mess. "i tried to sleep with this guy when erich & i broke up but i just broke down in tears instead." "gee, i wouldn't know anything about THAT craziness." &c. the thing i was mostly surprised by is how successful she's been at putting herself in a niche other than ex. 'cause i totally like that girl, in a non-creepy ex-girlfriend way. i'd hang out at her apartment. without it being weird. okay, okay, OKAY. it would be weird. but only 'cause i'm a big weirdo.
  • Current Music
    crown me king- the russian oil rig

planetcracker, starkiller.

the hardwood floor is screaming out my name in single syllables. begging for our mordicai to be layed out upon him as though he were a slab at the morgue. talking about how snake-eyes seem like rings of yellow fire. talking to me about god's space-ship. lying to me about many-eye'd argos, or melek-i-taus. i can never keep track of it when other people are lying. pam slea made a funny joke about long term joke gwen, & i was all short-shrifted for a witty retort. i mean, other than "you believed that crazy shit." pam was talking to me at the wedding. i don't expect it to amount to much. but i gave her the cd i had intended to give to cortney, anyhow. mostly because cortney hadn't returned my phone calls in a while. so i wrote that off. there is only so much long suffering i'll be party too, you know? as something that is famously left, i've got to keep some kind of rags for a cape. i did end up seeing cortney, but pam was a champ, for that weekend she decided to be pals again. she deserves the mix. it is pretty decent. mostly building to the crescendo with "jupiter & beyond" from 2001. because some nights, it is all i listen to. the monolith from 2001 ranks right up there with h.r. giger's aliens, for film characters i feel a kinship to.
  • Current Music
    crown me king- the coal within the bezoar
blur shotgun

(no subject)

when elliot smith killed himself, they thought it might be homocide.

'cause he didn't hesitate. he didn't miss. he struck true.

i wish elliot smith & robert e. howard could have been friends.