September 15th, 2005

ringwraith

the fog is lifted!

do pretty generally happy people ever have anything intresting to say? "my girlfriend is asleep but we totally flirted all night!" or i don't know "i fucked around on the internet successfully!" success! no one could have imagined all my stylish steroid packed internet use! also, cheesy music is cool! is architecture in helsinki the indie version of andrew w.k., only with less cred? because man, i don't know anything about music, but that is the vibe i'm soaking in. i'm not against that, i'm just saying. i'm not against it but i guess i am hatin'. i sure like hate. man, hate is my favorite, largely on account of how i'm made up of it. though, you know, malice is reallly a superior distillation of it. i'm invested in your drama, because...i like to see ashes twist in the wind! man, i need to stop talking, because i'm all goofy as fuck. see, being cheerful makes you insufferable. reminds me of pseudo hippies throwing their game. fuck that shit! hell yeah a mother fucker is putting the damage on. & speaking of putting the damage on, what is up with everyone giving grief to tori amos lately? i mean, sure, she's a huge weirdo, but what do you savage fucking apes want out of your rock stars? seriously, if you want tame fucking shit, okay. but no kidding the successful faerie lady is going to act all crazy! also, i wish bitches would lay off the rape jokes. i mean, sure, if she made her career out of it, i'd be there in the trenches with you. but she made one rape record! also one miscarriage record. & i mean, those are some pretty decent themes for a self-introspective record. i don't know, i'm just saying. she's sure fallen off her game (mostly her recent albums have been forgetable) but she still has some pretty strong mojo.

not that i'm aiming at any point; quite the contrary. i'm completely on team shoot the breeze. shoot everything, actually. i don't know. i am, if we want to be honest? i mean, i'm kind of self conscious about it. but she's home, & it changes the entire game. i live a life that makes the whole lonely game a joke. existentialism? do you have any fucking idea who i am? you want to talk about scared? about abandonment? well fuck you. i'm cut of an entirely diffrent cloth. but my point is more- here i am, in the empty corridors of life, but there she is asleep over there like an idol laid out upon the altar. to wax poetic would be bullshit, because wax melts beneath fire. i kevlar poetic sometimes about her. she's my girl. all the hurt, all the mess? some people chalk it up to experiance. i chalk it up to trial & error. i'm fucking crazy when i look at her. i mean, i'm not kidding when i say i should kill her. she holds too many cards. we all know i won't, but i mean. the things i'd do for her make the heroism of your life look like my daily subway ride. but that shouldn't come as any surprise. i'm much, much better than everyone else, even if it is a matter of kind. we angels are of an iron you clay-born cannot know.
  • Current Music
    crown me king feat. david bowie-the thing that ate the world
modern nazgul

(no subject)

the thing to remember is, for most of my life family only meant my head. how do you say to someone "you know, the rest?" & make them understand? how do you idolize alienation like i have & find someone to understand. i don't mean listen to. a thousand girls will listen to you talk about how broken you are. but the few will move against it. i mean, give me a change & i will mythologize my empty soul into brothers. & i'm right; in the end, you'll all fucking see. but jenny is the one girl who didn't say "what the fuck is this?" but who said, "okay, well, i'm here for you." i mean, i don't want to diminish cortney, she was there for me too, but jenny was the one who did it without reservation, without caveat or agenda. or, i guess she probably had an agenda. doesn't every one, even the scrabbling scrub of mankind? so okay. i've been down the dodge, a few times even. at this point, i can't even imagine bringing someone into the mordicai epic, not without some sincere coaching. besides, who the fuck matters to it anyhow? ahhhhh.

i miss katja. i havn't seen her in...3 weeks? she was sick, or whatever, etc. i'm not mad or nothing. but i mean, i had that whole week without jenny. i needed myself a little bit of affection! i had none. it was a sad time. um...i don't have much to say about that. i guess katja is my best girl in the city, jenny not withstanding. she's a fucking genius. so i don't know, the vacation without her was rough. but unavoidable. i don't really have a point at all. i mean, i think an awful lot about how i want a peter pan in all black to be the leader of the pirates. mostly it tellls of me. i am growing older but no more mature. i promise to be a huge mess forever. as long as it doesn't hurt jenny. did i mention yet how if anyone ever fucks with her, i'll go crazy alpha male? pretty much un-needed, but just in case. oh man.
  • Current Music
    crown me king- quequeg's coffin
ringwraith

(no subject)

i keep turning up lucky stones, funny little anecdotes to leave. but really, i don't want to leave. odds are, as soon as i go to bed, i'm going to have fucked up dreams. & yeah, i've got her there. a stone to clutch too. which i can't shade with enough importance. i can hold on to her & not be swept out to sea. she's not the same as all you garbage people, but she hangs me here. i can't just fuck off to europa or something. fuck, i don't know, this whole biz is stupid. i start slipping. but you know what? as much magic game as i might throw. (& i remind you, none of it is less than true,) just her presence will resort to true. she makes a king of quens & a rook of bishops. which is code for tricky kingdoming! actually, that analogy is pretty gender loaded. so i amend it. i've been lately intrested in the fringes of gender/queer theory in ways i havn't been before. especially the former. queer stuff i've got at least half-baked science for. but i mean, i don't wanna play the outliers in some weird predjudiced way. hello i'm mordicai. if you fuck with me: killing. okay!
  • Current Music
    crown me king- on apokalips, we are all gods!
ringwraith

(no subject)

i really like the rann technology in the countdown to infinite crisis rann/thanagar war comics. the whole "solid light" cliche is awfully played out in anime & bad movies made out of phillip k. dick novels, but i think it still works fine in comics. plus, it benchmarks rann in a solid fucking way, halfway between earth & oa. i mean, that is such a good route to go with rann. because adam strange, as cool as he is, just can't rock a ray gun & a jet pack these days. sorry! but i feel like he's being made vital in a way that he used to only be nostalgic. i'd maybe give him a zeta-beam pack, so he could control his teleportation. yeah, i'm pretty okay with that idea. & while i'm talking about comics, let me also state that the pulse fucking rules.
  • Current Music
    crown me king- superman: phone booth