game cancelled yesterday on account of california flakes. anyhow, gerd & martak & i got together. i drank 5 polish beers, & we wasted time playing robo-rally, watching futurama, & talking about roleplaying games. which was fun! so i guess i can't complain. then i came home & latched onto jenny like a tick. i burrowed into her, then started falling asleep! i finally went to bed, but apparantly i was snoring, so when i woke up, she was sleeping in the other room! no fun! anyhow, i dragged a blanket out there & slept in her shadow for a little bit, until just now when staying asleep & having nightmares became a worse idea than waking up! hello, i'm awake! wide-eyed. & i'm wearing the wire-rim glasses & sherrif's star, meaning i'm in my disguise pajamas.
up early with the shivers. drinking physik, coming to grips with hello sunshine. fuck i hate the morning, & i hate sleeping. the whole kit & caboodle. wagon train ho. i've been trying to seperate out the bad dreams from the crummy morning. there was weird time travel in it, like stones skipped across a pond. like, it was world war two, but there was some secret subtext, something like for every jew killed, i lost something- i can't remember. i was in this bunker for a lot of it, only the bunker was really more of a bomb shelter. i think i gave the order to start using nukes on the european front, & then was caught in one? except somehow this other angel (i was in full splendour) ended up trapped in the bunker with me. i kept catching a whiff of its singed flesh, & would have to run out of the room, because it was rigging magazines to explode, or setting booby traps with grenades or something. i had a "maus" pistol, which looked like a mauser without the long barrel. i also remember trying to get google to load so i could search for instructions on how to defuse a bomb i was stuck in. eventually i grappled with the thing, after it knocked the gun out of my hand, & we ended up pulling the flesh off each other like peeling rotten moss off a log. as the skin came off i realized that we didn't avoid the atomic blast, that we were gross irradiated living dead, that we were sloughing off our skin because we were basically meltface zombies. so i climbed out of the bunker through the secret passage in korea, & tried to go to this sacred spring, my skin sliding off my body all the way. i think something happened on the way, because i somehow was partially cured, but only because i was able to turn myself inside out? like, if i had to talk to people i could look fine but have disgusting rotting bones inside me, but if i had to fight somebody i could reverse myself & have rotting flesh. there were these little people, like children, living in the bamboo, & they had sharpened bamboo slats that they would pierce me with when i tried to walk through the grove to get to the spring.
i've all-the king's horsesed myself, which is to say, i've put myself back together again. there are rumbles, like distant thunder, but i can tell a hawk from a handsaw. i've put my dreamy self-awareness back in the iron chest; i've hid away the black monolith of my dharma beneath the skull, beneath the ribs, below the bones. everything tucked away into its niche, sheriff james! all clear around the perimeter. shut your slavering jaws, oh you beast, you monster, you think i call myself. back beneath the blankets! if you can't see them, they can't see you. it occurs to me that it may be wise to bundle myself up & ship off to work. with something to occupy my mind, it might be less prone to flights of...well, flights, & lets leave it at that. also, to accrue some vacation time for the trip to sweden, & to go see jenny's old roomate on carson daly tommorow. i mean, all i'd have to do to leave is put on clothes (take off my disguise, while i'm at it), since i showered last night to get the cat allergens offa me. i guess that is my plan. ah good. it is nice to have a plan. while i always have an agenda.
so i finally watched the much lauded the apartment. according to common wisdom, not liking this movie it tantamount to admitting to thinking john wayne gacey is hot. & if a girl don't like it, forget it! & well, it isn't that i didn't like it. i was entertained just fine. but i guess you are supposed to sympathize with one of the characters? except lemmon's guy is king ineffectual, who only gets any degree of assertivness in the 11th hour, & maclaine is such a ridiculous mess that it isn't even worth trying to know her! dating her is clearly a bad idea. huh. jenny summed it up as the movie where the girl leaves the alpha male for the beta male. okay? that seems like a reasonable reduction of the plot. i just spent too much of my viewing time wishing any character would stop being a tool box.