relationship limbo isn't so swell. at least somehow i got to be the one who sleeps in the bed, while she sleeps in the bedroom? man i sure am confused how that worked out. i mean, last i heard the news was that she doesn't hate me, she isn't mad at me, she's just totally disintrested in me. which, talk about a knife hand-crafted to twist in my guts. not like i'm thinking this is some ploy of hers, some devised punishment. no, i think things are healing as reasonably as i could expect them to. at least, that is my fingers-crossed interpretation of it. this is the dead-nerve endings scarring part. maybe if i was round a bit more i could try to epson salt the situation, but i havn't been; we've been closing late & yesterday i went down to martak's to work on characters. my plan of non-invasive wooing i think is a good one. trying too hard to ingratiate myself would just make me annoying, a target. i'll just do my best to stay wonderful & we will see how long it takes her to come around. but she's well entitled to take all the time she likes- i was the one who fucked up. making amends sucks. i don't recomend ever being genuinely contrite about anything, it is hard & stupid. loving the hell out of a girl is like electiver surgery. sure they'll fix something, but they cut you all up to do it.
when i bring home tulips for the third night in a row jenny laughs at me & says i am enjoying her being mad at me too much. "o sublime torture" or something like that, i suppose. it probably translates well into french. while, see, "my stomach has sharp incisors" or "my heart wields a cruel knife" translate a little better into one of the more dancing tongues, a dialect fey & dark. grimly amused at my own predicament perhaps yes, but this is fuck-all awful. on top of that, plan "mister gentleman" involves partly my not thrusting my exsistance on her, which means i'm left allowing her to ignore me. for a creature with the attention demands of yours truely, a mammoth undertaking. yet here i am! i'll build this tower up to heaven, sure. i'll be the black angel adorned with regret for as long as it takes.
i'd just like to point out that there is my man roose wearing a fucking cape, ruling the roost.