February 4th, 2005


asleep in the poppies.

relationship limbo isn't so swell. at least somehow i got to be the one who sleeps in the bed, while she sleeps in the bedroom? man i sure am confused how that worked out. i mean, last i heard the news was that she doesn't hate me, she isn't mad at me, she's just totally disintrested in me. which, talk about a knife hand-crafted to twist in my guts. not like i'm thinking this is some ploy of hers, some devised punishment. no, i think things are healing as reasonably as i could expect them to. at least, that is my fingers-crossed interpretation of it. this is the dead-nerve endings scarring part. maybe if i was round a bit more i could try to epson salt the situation, but i havn't been; we've been closing late & yesterday i went down to martak's to work on characters. my plan of non-invasive wooing i think is a good one. trying too hard to ingratiate myself would just make me annoying, a target. i'll just do my best to stay wonderful & we will see how long it takes her to come around. but she's well entitled to take all the time she likes- i was the one who fucked up. making amends sucks. i don't recomend ever being genuinely contrite about anything, it is hard & stupid. loving the hell out of a girl is like electiver surgery. sure they'll fix something, but they cut you all up to do it.
  • Current Music
    crown me king feat. neutral milk hotel - seven headed dragon
closeup samurai

icbm, a rocket full of sun.

when i bring home tulips for the third night in a row jenny laughs at me & says i am enjoying her being mad at me too much. "o sublime torture" or something like that, i suppose. it probably translates well into french. while, see, "my stomach has sharp incisors" or "my heart wields a cruel knife" translate a little better into one of the more dancing tongues, a dialect fey & dark. grimly amused at my own predicament perhaps yes, but this is fuck-all awful. on top of that, plan "mister gentleman" involves partly my not thrusting my exsistance on her, which means i'm left allowing her to ignore me. for a creature with the attention demands of yours truely, a mammoth undertaking. yet here i am! i'll build this tower up to heaven, sure. i'll be the black angel adorned with regret for as long as it takes.
  • Current Music
    crown me king- gemma auctoritas