so today gets an "F" on its report card. if it was in kindergarden it would get a "U" for unsatisfactory. i start out the morning with a headful of trauma. not one of the more sterling examples of keeping it together. when i finally do pull it together to go to work, thats fine. i have a talent for forced socialization. you just receed, like the ocean from the shore at low tide. & how often am i ever really myself? these adorable questions. we closed up a few minutes early since we planned on meeting david, but as i was going out the door jenny called to tell me her best friend had cancelled plans, so i spontaneously decided to flake on going out & just come home to watch sports night & drink wine with my girlfriend. seems like a pretty reasonable plan doesn't it? wrong. i don't know; she was pre-occupied with hating everything from the moment i walked in the door. lets just say if i measured the affection garnered tonight, it'd be in thimblefuls. so she's curled up like a poison knot at one end of the futon while we watch the show. every so often she slithers out to a presentable cheerfulness when someone calls her on the phone, but there is nothing but venom for me. when olive calls with a "rescue me from melodrama!" thing, i tell her i'll meet her if she wants. the vibe i'm getting is that it isn't going to happen, & it doesn;t, but there is more trouble. jenny insists i wouldn't even extend a prefunctory invite to her. which is of course not true. despite the dagger eyes she's been shooting me since i picked up the phone, i had ever intention of at least giving convincing her the old college try. i didn't really expect her to say yes, but since last night went well, there is no reason why we can't all be a big family! only i guess last night didn't go so well? i mean, jenny liked olive well enough i think. but since jenny hadn't been up to the roof before, its my failing as a boyfriend. now she denies that i ever tried to convince her to go up. listen. i havn't been up on the roof more than twice, & the first time only recently. election day in fact. but i've tried to convince her up on the roof. the rain/cold arguments have been pretty good, but she just insists now that i never have, that somehow i just mistreat her, take her for granted. which isn't fucking true. but i didn't get into a fight about it, since we've been drinking & she's already in bed. so i'm just saying. tonight is an F-.
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the ghostly rapping on the window is the future, impatient with the crippled, hobbled old now. its mighty pinions rattle the glass, its teeth gnash & talons scrawl. let me read to you that scrawl & tell you all the secrets bound to unfold in 2005. first- the science of black petticoats will be unraveled; girls will be so smoking hot your eyes will fucking burn out of your head. the bio-sky (tm) will be completed, & at long last the very stars will pulse with the hideous heartbeat of the antartica brain. the Thing Which Dwellest there. speaking of things which dwell, the Red King, the hideous creature which lurks behind mirrors, which steals the reflections of witches & vampires? whose very face is a crossbreeding of a boar & a lampray? the Red King will make himself known, & only the science of black petticoats will provide a skirt for all the hide within. oh the future is a beautiful place, piglets! the world an abattoir & the sun a dwarf, swarming with sunspots, blotted from the bio-sky (tm).