September 2nd, 2004

goblin sneak

you wanna see moral darkness?

i like when they say things in a nostalgic way. like when somebody is like "i knew this girl when i was a kid. & she would come over & we'd play with my action figures. she was coltish & beautiful. she had freckles & shit. one day she asked if i wanted to play baroness & destro. i still masturbate thinking about her" or whatever. i mean, thats a decent play to make with your diary- some beer-goggled (because who updates sober? punks) rose-tinted view of childhood. you know what i remember about being a kid? being better than everyone else, & misanthropy. feeling diffrent. being diffrent. you know whats changed? not a single fucking thing. you know what? if everybody didn't tell me so, i'd still think a black trench coat was cool. hell, i still think it is.
  • Current Music
    crown me king- do not pass go ($200 dollar dub)
cigarette burns

(no subject)

its funny, right? your girlfriend goes to sleep acting like you are some huge fucking alkie whose going to stay up all night sipping on the bottle. doubly funny because uh, she's asleep & you're finishing up the wine. oh it ain't like its a danger. i figure- i drink, i sleep, i get to work fifteen minutes early? isn't that, i dunno, some kind of very basic smoke signal? "i'm an insomniac, i self-medicate, its all cool?" i kinda feel like getting drunk at night & making lunatic livejournal posts (i'm a fucking angel! the devil is my brother!) is a decent fucking coping mechanism. the drawbacks, of course, are obvious. girl, semi-naked, in bed without me. trust me, i've agonized. i love her so. oh so. so i guess she can do without a little drift-off cuddling. like, for instance? half-awake this morning? i sat on the toilet seat watching her do her make-up 'cause i love her so much. so chill. i'm a nice boyfriend. so they tell me.
  • Current Music
    now its overhead- blackout curtain

(no subject)

sometimes rappers confuse me! are you actually wise to the whole "we fallen angels shall enlist with each other to bring eternal war unto heaven until we are free?" or is it more a weird black jew thing? fuck, i mean. i don't care. actual jews learning the whole angelic script thing strikes me as weak as a ghetto play for the scene. its the jews for jesus etc. krewe i hate. anything new testamant. like- do you know what "god" means? oh man, these religious folk with no mythology backing them up? shit.

oh, hey! if i work in flatbush all the time, with all kinds of fulking folks, do i cease to be whitey eventually? i mean, if eventually i sell enough chicks zane books, if i get used to thinking of burkas as hot & not weird, if i start giving jamican women slack? am i fucking enlightened & shit?

ps. jamican women are fuck mean & rude. but today i had a mean & rude j. lady who was okay. like, i was willing to score her inter-personal interaction as cultural. i mean. okay, i work in the carib. ghetto, basically. sure, flatbush means jewish ghetto to snl fans, but that was like, a decade ago. anyhow! mostly, island girls are great. but maybe 40% of them are jamican girls. & i dunno how to put this? jamican girls are fucking bitches. i really wanted it to be a cultural thing? i mean, really. but everybody, encluding my token black friend (christopher) said its widely recognized.

eventually, the girls at kfc liked me.
also? eventually brusque, blunt jamaican girls came in.

the final opinion. jamaican girls are blunt. since most fuckers are assholes, they are.
  • Current Music
    jolie holland- old fashioned moriphine
blur shotgun

(no subject)

i guess its funny how people come home from the bars. i mean, i hear them moving beneath me, like the fucking humpbackwhales browsing for shrimp. if i made a bill opposed to fucking drunken whatsits, then i guess the singing whales would suffer, right? i heard this weird probe thing is coming. maybe i better hang cool.

shit shit shit. like- what the fuck. apparently i have a way with words. secretly? i'd like to do something with that. even if it means telegraphed comments like me trying to find me way through daedulus' mazes. i'll preen for the fucking outsiders. a cool thing? maybe alaina is hip to be cool. i wish i had my shit together regarding the dress. all i can think of is pink chanelle suits with pillbox hats. nobody needs that.
  • Current Music
    jens lekman- black cab