at what point, ladies & germs? i mean, i went to bed with full earnestnest. i had sex with jenny with all good intentions towards falling asleep. but here i am, head a-rage. i don't wanna be contrary. i promise. i'm desperate to not be all "you're soothing- but no compared to my brains-a-whirl!' because uh- thats hardly the case. i've got all kinds of monopolys on "worse than you," but in jennys? nobody can calm me like that. & as nice as i occasionally am to the occasional ex-girlfriend? it remains. you ain't a spot on this jenny. so can i blame this on...exuberance? or whas-it-called...uh. i got nothing. fact remains, i woke from my slumber. maybe at some point, if this keeps up, i'll smother myself in the shower. heck, i dunno. seriously? i feel like i have a lot more self awareness than most. but i'm still winging it, in the end. i'm still 65 million years old trying to fake it.
wow. to go along with this morning. i seem cheerful, right? affect is so hard to get.
another night i wasn't stolen away to faerieland (where i belong).
hello you fucking doily shaped world. you perforated world. i'd throw the word "jejune" your way, but i'm pretty sure thats a lacey fucking word, too. & i'd hate to be appropriate. to toss some language together like tinker-toys? thats more my style. the sky all in mourning. which works out great; i don't have clean laundry, so i'll be wearing a long sleaved ben folds five shirt today. it isn't even black! wasn't i saying something about uh- compromise earlier? or maybe i just thought it. dear me oh my i can't even tell the diffrence between internal monolouge & ha, external monolouge. oh geez we're all so surprised to hear about my self-centeredness.
on the MAJOR plus side of the column? jenny made me a mix cd. its nice; i think this is the third mix-something she's ever made for me. i'm pretty amped about it. i'm listening to it for the first time currently. haha, here is me shedding my brooding psychopath aura in exchange for the enthusiastic geek. look how quick that was! about four lines of text.
when i talk to my "audiance?" its not so much dear mister henshaw. i figured out what it is. it wasn't so hard, when i thought about it. "look on my works oh ye mighty & despair?" right. ozymandus & me are addressing the same folks. of course, the ruin aspect might be in some kind of flux, but whatever. i feel like i'm basically a caved in cathedral to mem, sometimes. mem, dig? is the angelic script letter, not the hebrew one. because um, i think i might have mentioned it before? i kind of like angels, as a theme.
holy shit this is a good song & its the first time i've ever heard it. oh shit, i really like my girlfriend. its not like i waffle on the subject, i guess. lately i don't feel like i've seen her enough. lately i don't feel anything enough- i feel like i'm elsewhere all the time, busy doing who knows what. the same with the internet. didn't i become a ghost? wasn't i haunting you, ozymandus? i wrote your name on the mirror with my finger, while you were in the shower. i surrounded it in a heart, ozymandus. i mean jenny. fuck this joke! my heart is swelling up like the fucking grinch on christmas (or x-mas; fuck jesus!). i don't even know what to do with myself! its a good thing i have to go work the rush eventually. or i'd probably turn this fucking planet into a hive, with each bee's wings making some humming that talks only about my secret. my number one secret: that i am in love with her.
remember those toys? that were people riding on dinosaurs? or, some of them were people- the people used psychic broaches to communicate with the brontosaurus, or deinonychus or whatever. then there were these dudes with like, bug heads, or lizard heads, or whatever. their leader kind of had a frog head. they used "brain boxes" to control the dinosaurs...through foul & wicked science! i think maybe the line was "dino-riders." that was sweet.
even optimus prime died. trust no one.
edward teach, you rascal. oh fuck it anyhow, lets go raid tim-buk-tu. fly up that jolly roger, pal of mine. let me introduce you to another bloke i know- gregory efimovich. greg, ed; ed, greg. you're going to love this plan i've come up with. we'll use all the plunder to buy ourselves a spelljammer. how do you like that noise, kids? we'll hit the phlogistan with the engines on full burn. we'll be explorers, discovering the long lost illithid home plane. we'll have a party on the body of a dead god in the astral. its sounding charming, right? well, its either that or we share a cab across the bridge & set the island on fire. or we could put holes in our heads hoping the devils come out. but i'm basically in love with the devil-me inside my head, so i'm going to pass on the trephenation (sorry symon).
so i guess its tim-buk-tu, then we buy a spaceship?
so i've been trying to figure out who i'll actually vote for. sure, i hate democracy, but i'll take my turn, what the fuck. but i'm going to throw my vote away on a third party. just, you know, to show up in the margins. i figure the widening base for a variety of parties is a pretty good sign for possible upheavel. plus, all this chatter about campaign finance reform & shit like that? old people just genuinely lack the ability to make educated guesses about the future, huh? didn't anybody mention the internet to these folks? pretty soon you'll be able to run a decent media blitz from your basement. maybe if that happens doing votes the french way might be a pretty reasonable solution. 'course, mostly when i think about admiring the french i think about napolean & the french revolution. anyhow, anyhow. so i've been looking around for decent fringe people. i took this quiz? here was how they ranked a bunch of candidates in comparison to me: howard dean, carol moseley-braun, bob graham, mike badnarik, john kerry, dick gephart, michael peroutka, al sharpton, john edwards. dubbya, joe lieberman, peter camejo, david cobb, dennis kuchinich, ralphie nader, wesley clark, dick cheney. man, that ain't nearly wacky! arn't there gonna be better people on the ballot? & like half of them fools are already vanished-like! i mean, even my "top match?" mr. dean? i'm 45% in agreement with, says the quiz! man, fucking politics.