May 14th, 2004

cigarette burns

(no subject)

so i called simon "double anal penetration" ravenface from work, thinking i was going to do one of those friend check things. you know, the digital equivilent of the bar nod; sort of leave a message on his voice mail all "whats up, dawg. how you been? we should hang out together soon & play hero clix or whatever." only without the dawg (go browns!). anyhow, there he was, awake & throbbing gristling! so i decided, right there, upon hearing about his fabulous "day off," that we'd do something that night. (then i hung up & called jenny to make sure it was okay. this actually happened.) so while i was at work playing risk, etc (i took asia & held it!) i was actually thinking up clever one liners that i could pepper into my conversation that upcoming evening.

so i took the train to greenpointe, called simon, found out we were going to be going into manhattan, & walked to meet him. he was partnered with miss "cum guzzling lesbo" monica (who is freaking good at word puzzles) & we three magi walked back to the subway. since the sidewalk was only so wide, i had to walk on the grass & the dirt most of the time, but i didn't mind. i'm like fucking aragorn or some shit. so we took the L (the L! i ride the L train now sometimes. what the heck! the L train is the deep train nearest the mole people) over to 8th avenue & walked to the apartment where we had a DATE WITH DESTINY!

the apartment had a doorman & i slapped him high five.

in the apartment was ji, who was the owner of the apartment (aka hot asian slut) & alia, who is an internet personality of some caliber (aka cock hungry white bitch). both ji & alia are artists, a fact that will come up again soon. we made our introductions, i was made aware that "blake" would be appearing on the fifth wheel that night, & then we got down to bussiness. that bussiness being board games. within about ten seconds of pulling out cranium & pouring the cristal, simon had spilled his cristal all over the place- major party foul dealt with by the grievious use of perfectly white paper towels. oh towels, i mourn your passing. i will sing thee a dirge, or keen: EEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEE EEEEEEEE! EEE! EEEEEE AAAAAAA EEEEE! your passing was not in vain!

anyhow, here is how cranium is played: its like trivial pursuit + pictionary + charades + claymation + word puzzles. here is practical knowledge about the particular game we played: monica is fucking great at word puzzles. i am adamant that i know the correct answer when there are true or false questions & am never wrong. alia is really good at sculpting, but ji is bad at understanding where the front & the back of clay figures are. ji & alia are both good at drawing, & preternaturally good at guessing what each other is miming. simon is our mime guy- he can be "sudden." also, we won.

after cranium we played taboo. the game with the barbie spaceship. at this point the wine on the empty stomach thing was kicking in & i became a little tipsy, impairing my play slightly. we still won, but it was a harder row to hoe, thats certain. the only bit of important practical knowledge gained from this is that if i tell simon to be "baroque" he will adopt a rennisance voice & be as byzantine in his clues as possible. i just meant to use out of date words for thing or circumlocute! man, it was funny.

then there were dating shows. what can i say about that?
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modern nazgul

i'm weirdly nostalgic today.

this morning i grabbed the salad dressing out of the fridge & poured it on a handful of spinach & them crammed it in my craw. does that count as a special "hand-salad?" sushi has hand-rolls, & thats basically seaweed & rice & shit! so i think i must have invented the hand-salad. next time i'm gonna grab some croutons first- croutons like caltrops. i'm the world's first polymath sociopath. all you motherfuckers better fear my wrath. this lyrical entry's about to turn into a bloodbath, 'cause mordicai-darlings about to go on the fucking warpath!
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nailpolish

(no subject)

you know what is a pet peeve of mine? war protesters who have their kids hold signs like "please bring my daddy home i don't want my daddy to die!" or whatever. YOU JOINED THE FUCKING MILLITARY. if there was a draft, that would be one thing. but the reason the government paid for your college or whatever was so that if it wanted, it could have carte blanche to put you in life or death situations. thats the whole point! if you've got a family or value your life for some reason, you might want to reconsider joining up. since it is the fucking war department of the government. in a similar vein, i dislike it when soldiers in movies or on television start spouting anti-violence slogan. this is pretty common in animie & whatever (yes, robotech, i'm looking at you!). IF YOU JOIN THE FUCKING ARMY YOU ARE NO LONGER A PACIFIST! you have fucking agreed to shoot a gun at a guy in the hopes of blowing him to little bloody fragments. if you have a problem with shooting a guy to death, DO NOT JOIN "SHOOTIN' DUDES INC."

part of what inspired these thoughts is this place near where i live. its called "the woman's anti-violence center." okay? well underneath that, in tiny type, is where they say its a martial arts dojo for girls. here is a fucking clue, god-damn it. if you are learning to kick sombody's ass, you are no longer "anti-violence!" you are fucking pro-violence! i mean, learning martial arts does not compell you to get into a fight, but it IS teaching you HOW to fight! learning how to shove your kubaton into some motherfucker's throat if he tries to rape you is not "anti-violence!" its anti-gettingfuckingraped, & i think its a good fucking first step, but it ain't anti-violent. its getting peace with a knife.
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