vanity, the sin of the kennedys, worn by the jackie-robbie-johnnie trifecta. trapped chiggers, parasites, living mummylike in the titanic, squirming beneath the skin of the kennedy. 20 years later, gangster means something else entirely. oswald & ruby are practically the same word; one means left arm, the other dexter. a model, drifting off under anestesia, thinking these thoughts, lost in the outback of science. she is having a rib removal operation.
coxcomb & tenenbrous, the mouths of train tunnels yawn like laughing jesters, the toothless skulls of poor yuric, unknown by any other prince. how many tons of coal roll through them in pitted steel containers, the husks of dinosaur era forests, bark & bones that were there when i was here.
when she smoked salvia d., she hallucinated that she was made entirely of shards of glass. i've been saying the same thing forever, through sue's mud & blood & beer. these ribbons out. not the lewis carrol hall of mirrors, not the mordicai burke chambered looking-glass. reflectionless, empty of night-gaunts & vampires. the girl with the glass knives is carrying pieces of me, like i'm a sharp parody of a cure song, primed for anihilation. yours or mine, comrade kalishnakov.
or: do cyborgs dream of bionic sheep?
it was the psychopomp, goatlike & mewling, who spoke first, as recorded in the annals:
"thy cup runneth over, a black azathioprine cocktail, fit for your hallowed mechanisms, sire. the cybernetic stigmata of your bones will be claimed part & essence of your organics, sealed to you with the covenant of alchemy. & lo, it will be the marvel of all the gods, as you pass into the consecrated places of game theory. from your glass throne you will rule the nymphomation, from your razorblade throne you will rule the cobralingus engine. queen hobart of england will share her crayons with you, & fraggle with rock with you."
& all the kerubim gnashed their teeth, & were wroth.
one day i will be able to HARNESS THE POWER OF SPACE. space, you see, has a terrible power (do you stairs in your house?). sun, i will see you blotted out. i will see dragonsnaps gather dew on your endless sunspots. imagine being choked to death with the black piano key monoliths of clarke's dreams while the man's own immune system rises up against him. we all die by the betrayal of flesh, buried in shallow graves.
more people know who the hamburgler is than emperor norton. this is your savage garden; this is my angel's gaol, my demiurge imbroglio. the i-ching reads 23 23 23, the coins spin 666 & i say again this savage garden i will slash & burn. stargazers will read of bad dreams in astrological morse code. here i come, custer, here come the woodwose people.
i'm always bearing this psychomachia, flesh at odds with my stiletto self. now i have even further alienation from my self, & i'm left wondering if nerves will grow back, or if perhaps its the swelling that makes my temple numb, my cheek lifeless. i figure yeah, but i can't help but consider that i might never get to fake my smile with the same flair. there is always that knife of possible disfigurement lurking in the shadows. & hey, maybe if i fall on the sidewalk, or sleep on the wrong side of the bed, my face will shatter like porcelin & we can all start from scratch!
my usual cure for these thoughts is: titanium. i mean, i always used people's metal joints & pacemakers are evidence for the subtle infiltration of cybernetics. how much weight does actually being a primitive cyborg lend to my opinions? this is my face. it is from the future. besides, my body digests scars like anyone's bussiness. before you know it i'll be feeling for rivets. the rivits in my bionic skull.
i wish i could buy a dvd of the surgery.
jenny & i played trivial pursuit, & as soon as she started winning she decided that we were playing strip trivial pursuit. i lost, which meant that i got tied up & she made me have anal sex with her. man, trivial pursuit is fucking awesome. i'm trying to figure out rules for strip risk. speaking of games: i am constantly frustrated by my dnd writing, then suddenly reassured whenever i accomplish something brilliant. right now, i sort of think that my life would be easier if i were less enchanted with the names of colours.