July 29th, 2003

modern nazgul

fire in chicago. (tryst at 38 cycles per second)

voodoo nights avaunt. if i wasn't such a fucking alcholic maybe my plans with danielle for laser tag would have turned out. i guess a motherfucker like me needs to drink to get to sleep sometimes. my roomate woke me up to tell me my girlfriend was on the phone, but when i got the phone it was my fucking mother. that shit is not cool. eventually cortney & erica came over, & andrea came too. we swam till intervention by the authorities was threatened, which translates into only briefly. then we played "the most dangerous game" to decide what movie to watch. now its four in the morning (4:00 am) & i am real mistrustful of my bed. the traitor's bed. the sleeping place of treason. lurking over there in the cornor of my room like a predator at a swimming hole. well fuck your tiger stripe mojo, mister (mr.) bed.
  • Current Music
    crown me king- "stheno, euryale. &a ntiope."

the vacant chapel (like an octopus).

so far how about this morse code rat-a-tat-tat tommy gun morning. every so often i hear my roomate in his room with the girl he's dating, & they are giggling. i page through books i've already read, hoping to come across some riddle of sleep. i attach the word cyclopean to a discussion of stonehenge. my stomach roils, all inky & tentacled up inside of me. did han solo dream when he was imprisoned in carbonite hibernation? does a coral reef have nightmares ever? wreck your boats upon me, oh ye sailors.

& i'm covered in fucking mosquito bites.
  • Current Music
    crown me king- "sweeny todd anthem." & "lavender blue."

the knife-dream of the borgia squid.

not for me the death of sleep & the end of empires. the nazi's are in paris. lying in bed gasping, choking, like i'm drowning in thick air. i don't even make it to the dozing off phase of the night's festivities. getting up to go dry heave in the bathroom, i see my face, the rings of saturn gaunt around the hollows of my skull. lying in the shower i startle at shadows, swarming in the white noise of the water & the fan. there is nothing to realize, no conclusion to jump to. this is part of what i am.

john conner, do you have stairs in your house?

kingtycoon said that he believes the reason for my hatred of speaking with faceless authority? is because i don't include myself in the set of "human." that if i thought of myself as a person, i could realize that they were just people too, & communicate with them on that level. maybe this is true, but i can't parse it, not really. this maybe is what fuels lonely desperation with me sometimes. i have to sleep, or i feel my organs functioning, & it just sets me off. this isn't how it is supposed to be. this isn't even how it appears to be.
  • Current Music
    crown me king- "tinkerbelle's bruised knuckles."

there was an eclipse the day they buried emperor norton.

what, its weird that when i walk into my apartment i check in all the rooms to make sure there arn't hidden enemies? fuck you & paranoia. i promised my girlfriend i'd try to take care of myself. i'm pretty sure i'll be a pumpkin if i'm not in bed by midnight.

roxanne, antonio, jess, & i all watched cabin fever tonight because roxanne had just interviewed the girl from it. roxanne said the movie was camp, but i think she meant cliche. there were three very solid jokes, though. one i won't spoil, but the other two? well, both involve the one guy. at one point a redneck shopkeeper puts his hand on his back & says "tell me one good reason you'd try to steal a snickers bar from me?" & the guy says "uh...the nouget?" the other joke is Collapse )

that movie was surprisingly gruesome though, for being sort of out-dated. plus, it had the villian that i hate, the disease. i mean, like, a serial killer? i'm pretty sure i'm tough. thats a fight. so thats not so scary. & supernatural endowed killers from beyond the grave? number one (#1), one of them is a little doll. fuck chucky! number two (#2), i've got superpowers too, motherfucker. bring it. sadly, i can't defeat the plauge except through luck. plus also i think the last act of the movie was a little bit overdrawn. i think i'd recomend it just for the sheer lynch of it, hallways & angelo badalementi & all that shit.

at one point i was so hot that i had to stand up, go into the bathroom, splash water on my face & listen to the roaring of blood in my eardrums. after that i went & sat by the fan, & then i was better. mostly, i tend to blame that on being really tired. i think i'm awfully incoherant. i was trying to have a conversation with jess on the way back & i just couldn't parse it. have i been saying parse alot. man i can't even focus my eyes.
  • Current Music
    crown me king- "the wandering jew in the bone orchard."