July 15th, 2003


sewn into the inside of the magicians hat.

anti-bodies attack!

no1. if the illscientist called jenny to heckle me thats cool, 'cause i'm into that guy, but for a few more weeks. my # is 330.677.3474. after that i hope to share a # w/ astrad-like, we talk about moving in but i'm pretty serious about it & i hope she is too.

no2. i'm kinda hammered. we got drunk & watched 6 string samurai & jeeroers creepers & then we went swiming. people who had said they would show up for swiming didn't, but man, fuck them, they're loss.

no3. its super weird to be totally in love with a girl. also, shit, i thought i lost my glasses but i didn't. thats cool, not losing stuff. my roomate was about to hang out but i think instead he is passing out.

no4. no really. i've taken stock ofmy life, & as dumb as this seems, jenny is so high on the list. like, i lost my virgnity to her & if i never fuck another girl that would be reat by me as it turns out. what cam oi say. maybe i foumd the girl for me. call me sucker.

mo4. if this is a problem for you? buy me a pistol so i can shoot you with it.

no5. no for real fuck you. i am drunk.

no6. my roomate is reading gaiman's coraline. good for him

no7, eff #7, eff hip hop, i put in nirvana.

no8. i really hope alicia isnn't jokcing. since i am not. a weird lfe.

fuck 9-a million. i like my good friends & also am in love. i dare you. i fucking dare you.
goblin sneak

the guitar riff that said goodbye to the world.

so, my new plan for the makers of tuna helper & hamburger helper seems obvious to me: hot dog helper. plus, i have so many fucking hot dogs, it would be cool if i could do something with them (other than eat them like hot dogs or make the extra trailer park mixture of cut-up hot dogs & macaroni & cheese).

last night would have been spent puffing on a candle, desperate to extinguish it, but as it turns out, thats not what happened. hannah came to take symon away, & in the mean-time we all got a little bit "drunk." i also kind of sucked at pool games: i couldn't swim in a straight line or avoid the shark!

shit, what am i doing. i need to figure how to live my fucking life for the next month without taking a paint spackler to my eyes & going all oedipus. the porcelin shards of my usual day to day are all about this recent ice desert. i just have to try to keep in mind what i'm fighting for, & remind myself that beauracrats do not have super powers.
  • Current Music
    give me internet porn or give me death.

bruised at a tender age, then eaten.

fucking god-damn. i am fucking pissed, & at the littlest thing ever. my fuckstain earing (a gift from and_be_blue from when we met) is busted. the dumb ball part of it is gone, & i can't find it in my apartment. which isn't surprising given that the strong odds for where i lost it are in the fucking pool. maybe i can swim down to the bottom of the pool & find a tiny little ball. you want to talk about frustrating? this is the capitalization of that letter. i'm very bothered currently. oh, & the wet spot in my apartment smells today. for extra hate. this is very, very uncool. tuesday sucks. fuck tuesday. i am crossing them out on my calander. no more tuesdays. i wish the police were here so i could take their guns & um. shoot everybody. i wish i was in woodshop so as to use the tools in woodshop for purposes of torture. i lathe you, i jigsaw you.
  • Current Mood
    dinosaur dictionary.
goblin sneak

heaven (rises to the occasion but is abducted)

the thing about the remian stone waste is that there is a man named reme who lives there. history leaves its sloppy scrawls all over the linguistic geography. things like the fequency of invisibility. isn't the sun sinking. i see the sun sinking, but then, i always see the sun sinking. comma, comma. or the sun melts away, swarming with sunspots. there is sugar everywhere, the harsh grit of it embossing linoleum with arabic letters. & so oh jibril, oh hey grass stained hellos & goodbyes.

(no journal entries for this day)
  • Current Music
    blackalicious- "make you feel that way"

the smoking jacket of tezcatlipoca (oh hummingbird...)

this fuck all seaweed day. it clings to everything. strangles the lotus. washes up on the shoreline & spells out names you thought you'd forgotten. it spells out crimes sometimes, the kind that are filed in locked cabinets, who's primary bits of evidence are comprised of lockets & bottled laudnum. bottled darkness, inky & writhing. black is the color of hope- the knowledge that one day all stars extinguish. the ocean erodes all beaches, all cliffs, & shines black in the dark. what i mean is. darkness is more pervasive than gravity. than even paranoia. when the sun goes down i'll unlock my door. vultures, vultures everywhere. xx. xxx. xxx.x.xxx.xx. my new language is terrific. it hides beneath the bed while i'm sleeping.
  • Current Music
    for a minute, it wasn't inside of me. it was outside where anyone could touch it.

the skin & the bones.

i feel flipped on my back. driven over by limousines. do you have a boyfriend, circle yes or no. what the fuck is this bullshit. i'm hoffa'd into the pavement of bridges. owning a pistol would make me life all better. it would band-aid these hallucinating mornings, it would wipe the chalky nightmares from the slate of my dreams. i would say "i'm taking my pistol with me to the financial aid office tomorrow. i have a feeling everything is going to turn out just fine." i could take it out when i was lonely & spin the chambers. yes i confess to romanticizing the revolver over the semi-automatic. not that the good old colt doesn't tickle my catfish whiskers if you know what i mean.
  • Current Mood
    stem cell research.