mortimer grew up believing a lie. he believed that all was right in heaven. mortimer was twelve (12) the first day he unraveled this contemptuous lie, when the 13,478th sortie of the illustrious host upon the world occured. the angels slaughtered most of the population of denver, but more importantly, recent innovations in human warfare since the 13,477th sortie latter disguised as the children's crusade caused a shift in the balance of power. while the old adages of buring swords & pillars of salt still retained their vigour, it was discovered that the protective aura granted by the hand of the lord was not as effective at stopping high velocity steel jacketed bullets as could be hoped. there were many broken halos in denver that night. mortimer watched a seraph bleed to death on the ground beside a dumpster while he was hiding from bullys. that day, mortimer's life changed irrevocably for the better. he rightly reasoned that if an angel can die, than anything can. he started listening to rock & roll & playing dnd. as soon as he turned eighteen (18) he purchased a shotgun from a k-mart & begun drawing up drafts of his plans to kill the devil & god (in no particular order).
mortimer is one of the new bible heroes.
you can't really blame fruit-loop. his parents named him after a kind of cereal. what sort of man would he be if he didn't grow up to hate god? no kind you'd want to know, that's for certain. fruit-loop was really hispanic, the sort of kid who grew up in a neighborhood where the gangsters still used knives. fruit-loop didn't just hate god, he hated pretty much everyone, so he got in the gang-life scene. he had good, quick hands- the sort of hands that a middle class white kid might pander into amature stage magic. fruit-loop got good with a knife, instead, the way a low class hispanic would. he was really hispanic- like a walking fucking cliche. no one could call him on being a latino ethnic slur, though- what kind of asshole insults your genes if you're named fucking fruit-loop for chrissakes. fruit-loop could cut the fingers off an angel before it could get out "fear not."
fruit-loop is one of the new bible heroes.
christina lived her life with this motto: "i am in love but i still have a heart of malice." she had thought things through, & decided that was the way she was going to do it. it wasn't a flaw in herself or fault she found in the world. she just thought everything was so fucking beautiful that sometimes it hurt her. all of the other new bible heroes were in love with her- she was fragile & attractive, which is something that appealed to the fledgeling foes of divinity. they all would go out of their way to avoid upsetting her unless they had to- that is how the phrase "chrissakes" came into parlance among them. christina dressed like a drunken edwardian who had fallen into the sex pistols closet; a corset & a leather jacket helps explain why everyone else had such a hard-on for her. as often as possible, she ate pad thai; she never drank anything but skim milk if she could help it. chris didn't really have any facillity for weapons, but she loved radiskull & devil doll. what she lacked in fighting ability, she really made up for through her love of that internet cartoon.
christina is one of the new bible heroes.
daphne thinks the only art of real signifigance are prehistoric cave paintings. if art does not imply magical signifigance through representation, then she doesn't give a flying fuck about it. daphne speaks akkadian & pehlavi & half a dozen extinct languages beside. she's a genius with glottal stops & nasal consonants like you wouldn't believe. despite pretentions otherwise, she's one of twenty (20) people in the world who really understand that ridiculous angelic script, not that angels write anything worth reading. she masturbated for the first time in her life while watching an indiana jones movie. somehow archeology & diecide go together hand in hand for her, which works out swell for everybody as it turns out. in high school she was on the women's competetive rowing team, so it isn't as if she's a shut in any more than say, your average girl who knows how to read cuneiform (which is to say, her).
daphne is one of the new bible heroes.