To all who shall see these presents, Greeting:
BE IT KNOWN, That in pursuance of an act of congress, passed on the 26th day of June one thousand eight hundred and twelve, I have Commissioned, and by these presents do commission, the private armed Brig called the Dymaxion Dynamo of the burden of three hundred & Nineteen tons, or thereabouts, owned by Baalzebub & Molikroth of the City & State of Nessus and Alexander Graham Bell of Dispater in the State of Dis. Mounting eighteen teleforce guns, and navigated by one hundred & twenty nine men, hereby authorizing Buckminster Tesla captain, and Huckleberry Twain lieutenant of the said Brig and the other officers and crew thereof, to subdue, seize, and take any armed or unarmed vessel, public or private, which shall be found within the jurisdictional limits of the United States, or elsewhere on the high seas, or within the waters of the other dominions, and such captured vessel, with her apparel, guns, and appertenances, and the goods or effects which shall be found on board the same, together with all the persons and others who shall be found acting on board, to bring within some port of the United States; and also to retake any vessel, goods, and effects of the people of the United States, which may have been captured by any armed vessel, in order that proceedings may be had concerning such capture or recapture in due form of law, and as to right and justice shall appertain. The said Buckminster Tesla is further authorized to detain, seize, and take all vessels and effects, to whomsoever belonging, which shall be liabel thereto according to the law of nations and the rights of the United States as a power at war, and to bring the same within some port of the United States, in order that due proceedings may be had thereon. This commission to continue in force during the pleasure of the president of the United States for the time being.
GIVEN under my hand and seal of the United States of America, at the City of Magog the twelfth day of December in the year of our Lord, one thousand eight hundred and fourteen and of the independence of the said states the thirty ninth.
BY THE PRESIDENT ASMODEUS
Benzozia, Secretary of State.