i went to the doctor today & he warned me about...skin cancer? well, i told him that yeah, i go to the gym, i eat some vegetables, i don't smoke, i drink, i had facial reconstruction, i die a little bit sometimes when i sleep. mostly i am worried about that last part. he told me...uv-a can get through sun screen! he can tell i tan! except, i don't tan. i'm i guess darker than a white guy is allowed to be! he warned me about the "abc's" of skin cancer. seriously! i don't tan! sure, sure, but lets talk about how the most common kind of cancer is...skin cancer! like, dude! okay! but i don't tan! my sunscreen has zinc in it! lets talk about my sleep apnea, or how suddenly i'm having high blood pressure? sure, sure, but do i check my sunscreen for benzenes? guy! hello! also, apparently i was supposed to put on the paper robe. not just sit there in my underwear. whatever, you have to tell me what to do!
i haven't been to the doctor since my skull surgery, & not for a check up in forever & a bean. i told him i wasn't going to know what to do, but still, i bet he thought it was weird that i didn't put on those paper clothes. whatever guy, i don't care. i'm not so gross! you like it. he checked for testicular cancer & tried to tell me about that but i told him tom green was my homeboy. so what is the skinny? well, he...couldn't tell me anything! i need bloodwork, & since i hadn't been randomly fasting, i couldn't get it done. really? he never told me to fast, no one told me not to eat! but i wasn't supposed to eat. like, at two thirty (2:30) i wouldn't have had anything to eat maybe by chance. of course i ate! & as for my sleep apnea, i have to make an appointment with a throat specialist, & then hope that my tonsils are too big. otherwise it is neurological & i am going to have to wear a mask like hannibal lector. seriously, he told me that verbatim. a mask like hannibal lector.