hold on, wait a minute, emergency. i lost my wedding ring. fuck. i knew i'd left it in the apartment before going to the gym, but now i can't find it! i had to look for it for like an hour, tearing the apartment apart from head to toe. jenny helped me look & even bit her tongue to keep from i-told-you-so-ing me about taking my ring off all the time. it had just snuck into the black fibers of the carpet to sulk & hide. fucking talisman! okay. now i'm going to have this cocktail, cool off, & go back to video game zen. i've been staring at the abyss too long, or it was staring into me.
so i beat the game, & i got all the bottlecaps at the shooting range. the wii remote? is freaking built for this kind of thing. being able to point & shoot is just a luxury? worth having. screw your heads! screw your kneecaps! die, die die! also i killed all the monsters. because i don't care how big & ugly you are, guy? you are just a cave troll. & you might have tentacles & claws but you have eyes too, & i can stab them, & also i bought this rocket launcher. thanks, awesome, totally sweet merchant! i wish the merchant with the blue fires had a backstory, i wish he was sneaking around helping me like ada.
oh & as to the ladies. well, okay? we've got the president's daughter, whom i rescued & escorted around. she's no yorda from ico, but then, yorda is something special. note to self: run "yorda" by jenny as a name for a daughter. she isn't helpless-- she isn't a trained murderer like leon, but she has a sequence where she holds her own. still-- damsel. & there is a spy lady? she's all femme fatale, but i don't know, i give a little allowance for genre tropes. she certainly is capable. otherwise the only ladies are a girl on the telephone that i flirt with (what up, japan?) & the messed up village ladies that i assassinate. there isn't a sacrifice of women to provide emotional energy; rather, comrades in arms die. sorry dudes! you were helpful!