mordicai caeli (mordicai) wrote,
mordicai caeli
mordicai

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pillowcase mask!

television! the "boob tube." hold on, i'm trying to write about it while some guy is shouting into his phone in creole in front of me. at some point, he's going to turn to address me without taking the phone from his face & i'm going to pretend not to understand that he isn't still talking to the phone. because he's rude, & i try to shame rude people. wait, it isn't creole, it is some african tongue. okay, i dealt with him. he actually was kind of fine, he put the phone against his chest. where was i? television! the "idiot box." it was time for it last night, so lets get down to it!

first off, there was no fordmadoxfraud. after a brief false start, he's made his way to mexico. i hope he brings me back a crystal skull! maggie was there, though, & pamela came. see that, solidarity. team fucking work! & loveliest gem, jenny. i may be the cock of the walk, but she's the blue canary in the outlet by the lightswitch. so that is a pretty good crew gathered. i'm far more interested in hanging out with a few like minded soldiers than a crew of enemies. though they all turned against me. adversaries! shrews, the lot of them! team girl, blech! but i had powerful magnets. so it wasn't unequal. once i used the magnets to lure maggies onto my side! pamela said jenny was "svelte, pretty..." but it sounded like "sooooo pretty" (if you can hear that in your head) & it was kind of hillarious. she also said to me "my boyfriend can beat you up. he knows jujitsu. i think that is a kind of wrestling," & was halfway deadly earnest. fucking adorable.

what did we fucking watch? i feel like we plowed through the same number of bottles that we normally do with five couch warriors, only this time there were only the foursome of us. well, so what if we did! we watched a chunk of jon & kate plus eight, which is about having twins & sextuplets & being "okay." like, the parents aren't amazing, but they are "fine," & with eight kids around the same age, that is kind of amazing. you dig? anyhow, jenny was watching it when mags & i showed up with food, so it stayed on. the momentum of jenny's shows carried, & next up was fucking flipping out, which i don't like & can't understand anyone liking. it is just like "watch a bunch of irrational stress for an hour," the show. it makes me tense & crazy, because everyone on the show is either tense & crazy or totally fucking incompetant. gragh! & then after that it was time for the worst show on television, shot at love. man, i watch a lot of terrible reality television & i will defend it. beauty & the geek is phenomenal, or at least a good season of it is. america's next top model is pretty much brilliant. &c. shot at love is not one of those shows. it is kind of awe inspiring? i normally hate people who say they like to watch something because it is like watching a "train wreck." well, tila tequila. it isn't like a train wreck, it is like a ufo colliding with a unmarked truck with the "hazardous chemicals" sign on the plates. you don't know WHAT the fuck might happen. like-- maybe that super awful jersey guy isn't a super italian mess but a super isreali mess? & now his mom & stepmom are making out & oh crap she's flashing her boobs at her son & now tila tequila is making out with the dad, the stepdad, the mom, the stepmom, the brother, they are all in the hot tub, what the fuck is this show, what is going on, who am i, there are more episodes left. yeah, if tila tequila comes over your house she will rub herself against your family to give them boners. this is a science fact. what the hell, that show. (edit: i think tila tequila & that guy jay are maybe actually from the future, the future of swedish swingers. & bo's little brother invented the new definition of "bi-sexual," which is someone who dates two boys, & two ladies.)

then i think i kept telling jenny to scratch me up? details get hazy.
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