mordicai caeli (mordicai) wrote,
mordicai caeli
mordicai

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wirlygig imbroglio.

some frank discussion of being enfleshed. blech! the week(s) before the wedding, i was pretty disciplined about staying in shape. i went to the gym something like five days a week, i kept my consumption of alchohol to record lows, i stayed away from all the crap food around the bookstore. & i really appreciated the effect it had. since the wedding, i've slumped off. first there was just a combination of being busy with after-wedding requirements, like name changes & what-not. & then there was also the easy excuse of "well, i'm relaxing! those were busy, stressful weeks." which is valid & everything, but now i feel gross again. i'm not gross, probably, but i'm dismorphic enough that it drags me down. & i am a snowballer. you know what i mean? i let shit accumulate. if i feel gross already, why not drink a bottle of wine. oh, i got drunk last night so i'm not going to wake up early in the morning to go to the gym before work. see what i mean? that is the spiral i am kind of in, or at least on the cusp of. i keep trying to get jenny back into the habit, as well: she's fallen off the wagon, & having her going to the gym is a huge help for me. i don't know how to convince her or motivate her or whatever, though. weekends are usually a good place to pull my nose up: time constraints are loose enough for me to both slack off and do the gym. so my point is: i need to do that. this is complicated by the fact that i need to do laundry, have james's game on saturday, kira's party on sunday, play practice on sunday, & want to revise my resume & send more out. hire me, publishers! what the heck is the matter with you, i'm great? so anyhow, i'm sort of stewing in a sauce of discontentment. black grubs in my pores. & i am acknowledging it, because i think that is what you are supposed to do to effect change? at least, now adays so many sitcoms & dramadies are about shrinks that i think i'm supposed to. thanks television for telling me how to pretend to be a real boy.
Tags: gym
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