earlier today i kept thinking-- & this is a true story, not a total made-up lie-- about cthulhu & the nature of the alien. i was really doing it guys. it was like i was a real boy, with thoughts & opinions & everything. really, i'm just an infection that is inside of you even as you read this, & i am older than anything you know, but today for a little bit i was just like any other boy! i was considering the stages of cthulhu. it is a good avatar to shine some light on. i mean, you've got your lovecraft, you understanding that the uncaring universe is woah, way beyond giving a shit about you. that, the show of realization against civilization, is maybe the first wave? but next you've got your howard. robbie e. doesn't give a fuck about nihilism, dude. of course the universe is out to get him; the world is out to get him too. howard is the defiance of lack of meaning. anyhow, i went around thinking that modern science fiction is the understanding of total nihilism. if man means nothing (ps: humanity means nothing) than how can you stretch it to make cthulhu mean something? he is nothing too, all is nothing. the center is everywhere & is nowhere; azathoth is nothing. aliens are just fancy space people. sure. okay. i'm not on that team. earlier today, kingtycoon said that maybe since i left the wastelands i got my nihilism dimmed. i'd say no, but not to disagree with him. living in gotham has totally shown me different things. sharpened my sword. it tells me that, you know what? progress can be made on the war effort. we are coming, heavenbent.