mordicai caeli (mordicai) wrote,
mordicai caeli
mordicai

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don't mind my fist, holding your halo.

i wonder about things, here & there; things too inane to dwell on, but sadly, i don't have the kind of brain that doesn't obsess. which is an awkward way of saying, it do go on, don't it? pat the old engine affectionately. like: rudeness. is it my job to step up? yelled at a kid the other day; he was walking with his lady & cut, 70 degree angle, right across my clearly telegraphed path down into the subway. & then, when i came up short rather than swerve (son, i don't swerve) he retorted "idiot." now, i should be clear: the girl he was with swatted him on the head. i bear her no extraordinary ill will. good for her. keep your mate in line; i know i count on mine for the same. but i couldn't let it slide on him, so i gave him a hollar, a bellow. old apes in the mineshaft! nothing clever, but nothing that left me with espirit d'esclair or any such. but you know, where should i mind that line? i'm always trying to figure out how to fix tribalism, so it is both of personal & ideological interest. for instance, kid on the subway listening to music on his cellphone, sat in his lap. clearly he's a bastard, but i didn't feel i needed to step up, though stewing in annoyance made me think maybe i ought to. what, is avuncular lecturing called for? because i'd tell that patronizing bastard to fuck off, too. out-right mockery? i was kind of inclined to slide up next to him & just start playing my ringtone ("night on bald mountain") over & over again. it might have been worth it for being funny; if i'd've been drinking, maybe. just a snarl? "dude, shut that the fuck up?" strangers trying to alpha one another is probably at the root of some of the visible problems in megatribal life. so i let it go. i wonder if i should have.

my other realization is that there are people i can make mixes for! i can't really make mix-tapes, mix-cds, whatever, for jenny any more. we share an itunes! which keeps that from being a possibility. a damn shame; she's the girl for me! she deserves to be wooed with mix-cd after mix-cd. but our days of laying in the dark mooning over a long distance cluster-fuck are behind us, & i certainly won't romanticize it. other than to say: it was awfully picaresque. & really, my musical tastes are not so niche as they once were. i like basically the same indy stuff as everyone else, with a few gems peppered here & there. & oh; making mixes for guys just isn't interesting. you make 'em for girls! it is engrained. i've made some for boys, but it isn't the same. but i've got kitten in a bundle, kittens to throw in the river! the river...of music. so maybe i'll start thinking about that. blank slate collections.
Tags: ideology, music
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