mordicai caeli (mordicai) wrote,
mordicai caeli

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closing my eyes, everything goes black & blue; even the colours when i push on my eyes never get out of the violets & indigos. i have been trying to look up information on the colours you see when you rub your eyes & all i can find it the irlen test for autism. physical retinal stimulation, but mostly i think i'm hovering, in life, as a rule, at phosphenes & blue field entoptic phenomenon. if i look at anything for too long it dissolves into layers of squiggles. but then, i live a life caged in a glass coffin, & only starlight can reach its hand through to me; this is nothing new. floating in the iron & darkness, watching everyone on television.

monday i went from the salt-mines (collecting neutrinos) to carla's (built on land added to manhattan). i was fairly exhausted, but thought it likely that odds were likely i would be going there anyhow later to pick up jenny. i spent a chunk of the evening talking to carla's subletter, who seemed shocked & amazed that an american would know anything about india & hinduism. i know things, though. other than that, it has been jenny & i clinging tight to each other & trying not to get lost. feeling rubbed down like the eraser at the end of a pencil.

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