so i'm a little bit frustrated. i spent a fair ammount of effort in getting jenny to be less stressed out. & it seems like it helped her out. instead of reaping the benefits of my dutiful boyfriendness, i get totally gyped. now that she's all relaxed & friendly, she went to williamsburg to hang out with other boys. & it is stupid & unreasonable to expect that she'd just, what? wait at home on her day off being bored? of course she went out to do things with her friends. but i think she wouldn't have wanted to hang out with anybody if she wasn't feeling a lot less tense. which i helped do! i don't know, i just feel screwed out of getting the nice girlfriend time that i invested effort in. i tended that garden man! sigh. just a fucking drag, right? she's been a pain in the ass, but she's my pain in the ass, dig? & it isn't so much a chore to take care of her, i'm not complaining about that. i sure like being there for her, getting all heroic. & after the field lies fallow, new crops are planted. but i'm missing the harvest! oh scowl. i'm off to manhattan then to see my ekat. which is nice in & of itself, but i was totally looking forward to a chance to spend time with a comfortable & relaxed girlfriend, which seems not to be in the cards.