how me & the war zepplins got here is as much a riddle to us as it is to you, mate. there was that flash of dark, & all the listening to the same song on repeat too. i guess that might make for some kind of diallation, i guess. oh, i should mention that the insects from the park all crowded against the windows here, asking me to "fetch them a scary spooky soul," do you think that might have been part of it? but it doesn't explain the airships, with their segmented balloons & armored plates & mounted cannons. thought i guess you could call me their mounted canon. i guess you could call me a lot of things, but mostly you'd be wrong. mostly i wouldn't forgive you, but would hatch a black mark in my inside-book. does everyone have that ledger? where convienance & enjoyment & hate all intersect? how else do you decide to talk to ever again? speaking of, rukiya called me at 1:30 am tonight, called me from a bar in ohio where we used to go. we keep in touch sporadically, but often enough that we can pretend like we are 'in touch.' apparently she & demario are over & done with. he bought her & co. drinks, which makes me, for once, believe it. um, the thing is, i'm pretty sure i have seen stuff moving under the bed already, & i'm not even that sleepy. & i know, what a five year old cliche. come check in my closet & under the bed too mom. but i never much needed my mom. not like i need you. i tried maybe smashing it with the weights. i used them to form a little barricade at least. i almost want to summon up the angels that live in the walls, as you said it once. you get it, that fucking blows me away. here i am writing love letters to you where you won't see them for at least a couple of days. but it reminds me that i can count on you, that you are just away, not gone. see, i'm not totally unable to deal with abandonment anxiety. i'm not freaking out that you won't come home (a thought, that mentioned, actually physically made me shiver) but rather just wishing you were here. i always say you take me for granted, but when you are gone i remember what being alone without you is like. damn it, it is a cold fucking drink. you anchor this spaceship in ways i forget, in ways i take you for granted. i'm peeled like an orange without you. but don't worry. i still remember to turn off the air conditioning when it doesn't need to be on. because i want things to be the best for us that they can be. seriously, i have a girlfriend who knows the line between the metaphor & the madness. or what i pass as madness, but cherish in truth as metaphysics. i got that girl, the one that got it. the one. i'd say that it is stupid that i only realize it when you arn't here, but i feel like my general adoration of you isn't that slack-ass.