blood flows back into my knuckles as i wrap my hands around the hot water pipe once i get into the apartment. fuck it is cold, & may all the ice consume this ragged, sallow world. at work & i'm explaining why destroying the universe is the only reasonable response to logical fallacies. is the only rational conculsion to a whole lot of problems, come to think of it; for a whole lot of reasons come to think of it. there is general agreement! then we come back to that old chestnut; how to crack open the shell? how to go about ending the universe. man it would sure be great if there was a god & all these blasphemies could goad him to war. i'd kill his black widow girl mary if i thought'd help. hell, i've got a mortimer to kill a gema. i'll go six or seven better on judas & cain. those jumbles of bones, i'll rattle their fucking skeletons! good; a glass of wine & my mood is transmuted from melancholy to murderous. malice left, then moodiness, a gautlet of motions to delve. that is right; cut the em- off & replace with m-. emotions are just these things i'm passing through; diffrent rooms we shiver to pieces. i'll swallow you, navidson. also, on an entirely diffrent note? i got an instant message from chrissy mc- this mourning. who saw that coming out of left field? last time i saw her we kayaked in florida & that was fun. there were alligators.