mordicai caeli (mordicai) wrote,
mordicai caeli

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asleep in the poppies.

relationship limbo isn't so swell. at least somehow i got to be the one who sleeps in the bed, while she sleeps in the bedroom? man i sure am confused how that worked out. i mean, last i heard the news was that she doesn't hate me, she isn't mad at me, she's just totally disintrested in me. which, talk about a knife hand-crafted to twist in my guts. not like i'm thinking this is some ploy of hers, some devised punishment. no, i think things are healing as reasonably as i could expect them to. at least, that is my fingers-crossed interpretation of it. this is the dead-nerve endings scarring part. maybe if i was round a bit more i could try to epson salt the situation, but i havn't been; we've been closing late & yesterday i went down to martak's to work on characters. my plan of non-invasive wooing i think is a good one. trying too hard to ingratiate myself would just make me annoying, a target. i'll just do my best to stay wonderful & we will see how long it takes her to come around. but she's well entitled to take all the time she likes- i was the one who fucked up. making amends sucks. i don't recomend ever being genuinely contrite about anything, it is hard & stupid. loving the hell out of a girl is like electiver surgery. sure they'll fix something, but they cut you all up to do it.

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