Phone Post:

“Sooo...uhm... Linsday, I would c-- oh... Bad! Bad, bad editing! So, Lindsay, I would call you, right now...except for...you haven't ever told me your phone number because you're in weird I'm-an-internet-girl...land. That's your problem. Um. My non-internet girls...um...Kate...is...the ex-non-internet girl who...was the all-star...who fell from ar-- all-star status but has been re-starred t-- RE-starred to star status. Not so much all-star, but...I don't know... Olive, my all-star...was around, and...isn't any more, which is: BOO. A thousand times boo. Just, I just want her to be around all the time. She's a soldier and she validates the war. Um...anything I say, ever, she'll back up. She's my...she's...she's A-okay. But Kate...on the job...maybe...umm...except fer...she's got her mom in town. I'm supposed to hang out with her I guess tomorrow, though. Um... why am I talking? Oh, I think I was...HATE everyone. Right. Jenny: far away. Again, Jenny: far away. If she was here... Like I just called her and told her about how... I wish she was around and how I had that dream about my...brain cancer...going terminal? Ah, it's not, it's not an uncommon dream, right, when you have brain cancer you tend to have dreams about maybe how your brain cancer is the bad kind. I would guess. Um...oh, by the way I'm back to, uh, watching this, uh...hey, whassup [laughs]...this show. I haven't, I...before, while...we weren't talking internet...oh, internet, oh, I have a secret. Is it a secret? Simon's getting married, that's not a secret. And Simon has asked me to be the worst man at his wedding. And he's going to be the best man and I'll be the worst man. He'll be in white and I'll be in black. And...he already vetoed my first...ah...toast...my toast being...ooooh...ooh, snaaap. Oh, w-- Wait, why are you fighting?! You guys are on the same team you dumbasses. Oh you stupid BITCH, that's what that girl said. No, my, my...first was gonna be...I never tried to fuck any of Simon's fiancees...which...I didn't. Uh...I don't know. God damn it. Oh hey...oh, I would tell my phone number except for stalkers. [unintelligible] stalkers.”

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