mordicai caeli (mordicai) wrote,
mordicai caeli

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so today gets an "F" on its report card. if it was in kindergarden it would get a "U" for unsatisfactory. i start out the morning with a headful of trauma. not one of the more sterling examples of keeping it together. when i finally do pull it together to go to work, thats fine. i have a talent for forced socialization. you just receed, like the ocean from the shore at low tide. & how often am i ever really myself? these adorable questions. we closed up a few minutes early since we planned on meeting david, but as i was going out the door jenny called to tell me her best friend had cancelled plans, so i spontaneously decided to flake on going out & just come home to watch sports night & drink wine with my girlfriend. seems like a pretty reasonable plan doesn't it? wrong. i don't know; she was pre-occupied with hating everything from the moment i walked in the door. lets just say if i measured the affection garnered tonight, it'd be in thimblefuls. so she's curled up like a poison knot at one end of the futon while we watch the show. every so often she slithers out to a presentable cheerfulness when someone calls her on the phone, but there is nothing but venom for me. when olive calls with a "rescue me from melodrama!" thing, i tell her i'll meet her if she wants. the vibe i'm getting is that it isn't going to happen, & it doesn;t, but there is more trouble. jenny insists i wouldn't even extend a prefunctory invite to her. which is of course not true. despite the dagger eyes she's been shooting me since i picked up the phone, i had ever intention of at least giving convincing her the old college try. i didn't really expect her to say yes, but since last night went well, there is no reason why we can't all be a big family! only i guess last night didn't go so well? i mean, jenny liked olive well enough i think. but since jenny hadn't been up to the roof before, its my failing as a boyfriend. now she denies that i ever tried to convince her to go up. listen. i havn't been up on the roof more than twice, & the first time only recently. election day in fact. but i've tried to convince her up on the roof. the rain/cold arguments have been pretty good, but she just insists now that i never have, that somehow i just mistreat her, take her for granted. which isn't fucking true. but i didn't get into a fight about it, since we've been drinking & she's already in bed. so i'm just saying. tonight is an F-.

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