mordicai caeli (mordicai) wrote,
mordicai caeli
mordicai

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until the lights went out i faded like a shadow.

a quarter after ten. i'm not quiet & i'm not desperate. i can hear the ocean from here. vast & underground. i hear the condensation from the rocks above dripping into it. i can hear the sussarus of the things dwelling in it. dwelling, because "living" would be a big streach of the word that i can't commit to. & i can commit. i commited to the doctrine of mutual assured destruction, to the balance of terror. i am talking about love, you know? isn't that how it works? or doesn't work, whatever. talking yesterday about how the fact that i can't distinguish between "good" attention & "bad" attention (like a child, acting out) means that our relationship works. means that i get a lot of mileage out of even the rough parts. what the hell do i know? i'm like a man made of dynamite. please set me on fire so i can accomplish my task.

oh, i don't believe that the brain is all that important, nor the heart either. your guts is where your honor is, but even that there? is pretty much beside the point. you could divide me up into canopic jar, oh osiris, & i would still darkle. split my soul into ba, ka, sehkem, & all those other parts? i suppose thats a closer step to it. you want to see the colour of my atman? do you want me to swear on all these bones of mine that mankind is jiva-atman & only the jiva-atman? that there is no eternity for the sons of adam & daughters of eve? for the sons & daughters of anak? for any of you fucking pricks? in heaven, everything is fine. in heaven.
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