so here is jenny's theory, near as i can undestand it. when i go crazy, or whenever i have a baseline emotional response, it is, in fact, a very simple physical stimulus. like, i'm so dissasociated that i can't parse "hunger" or "pain," & instead try to explain it in a kind of reverse psychosomatic fashion. there is evidence to support it; like i'll be "sad," & jenny will deduce that i just have a stomach ache, or i'll be "grumpy" & it will turn out that i'm hungry. i've tried to figure out what the diffrence between a stomach ache & sadness is? but i kind of don't get it. arn't they the same? i feel like they are. or else what is sadness like? i couldn't tell you. anyhow- jenny says that i was probably crazy the other night because i was coming down with a cold. which well, yeah. i did have a bit of the sniffles. but i still maintain that cruel angels sallied forth from the pearlescent gates of heaven to pass through my apartment. they perched outside on the fire escape taunting me with the dichotomy between who & what i am. or at least, if you strip the referential, self-mocking quasi-poetry away, thats what happened.