mordicai caeli (mordicai) wrote,
mordicai caeli

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ha ha ha oh fuck. i can laugh like the joker. you know who i mean. pale face, green hair. the fucking serial killer harlequin. my fucking favorite chess piece. we laugh because we know just what parts of ourselves we are throwing out there. the joker, okay. he's got nothing left. i respect that. its maybe tougher than me. the more i go on, the more i'm tied to the world. & don't mistake me. i don't regret my choices. hell, jenny? & i mean, if you want to get oh-so-mundane? shakespeare & co? my co-workers are basically my best-friends. but you know what? this isn't how it is supposed to be. is a spirit of smokeless fire supposed to bow down before clay & mud? oh fuck you, fuck everybody.

seriously? i mean, like, honestly? i laid on our futon & breathed for a while. i thought about digging out my cell phone. aka here is an honest fucking post. here is me, freaking the fuck out. doing my damnest not to choke to death on uh...the ghost i call my heart. fuck fuck fuck. this fucking three a.m. bullshit is old news! girls are supposed to be the prize you win that keeps you safe from yourself.

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