mordicai caeli (mordicai) wrote,
mordicai caeli
mordicai

Phone Post:

VoicePost
1055K 5:00
“Man, women sure are hard, huh? I just ... fundamental doubt that we are good together. Basically, as I understand it, the stress I put on her outweighs the love she gets in return, or the love she feels in return I guess is a better way of saying it--that she feels unloved, she doesn't know if she loves me enough to deal with all of it? Um, the plans for coming happiness [overcoming unhappiness?] (which is what I would like to focus on, largely because that's an obstacle I can attempt to remove, and also, I am pretty sure that we are good together, and that the unhappiness is rather a side effect of other issues. Namely, A, #1, I'm gonna get a real job, which I should anyhow, so, I, uh, the circumstances of having to get it are, like, that I don't like, maybe, not having a girlfriend? Yeah, so, getting a job, uh, in which, if anybody has a job? I need to find one. I need to discover them, it's like a new pirate chase. Uh, getting a job will provide us money for going out and eating dinner, and having a nice time together, which I think, largely, will alleviate some of her issues. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna cave if there's a pet opportunity in the future, just because that would...provide...?...nice...and then the big one, is the three--or, I guess, four, or whatever I'm on, is, uh, getting to the point where I take good care of myself. She's worried that, she thinks that she's too much the boss of me, too often has to worry about taking care of me, when in fact she wants to be taken care of. She would, like, prefer it if she didn't have to look after me, uh, so much. Like, uh, so that's a new plan. She does agree that, uh, I've, the last conversation...?...that I've made improvements to my behavior, I've modified my algorithms [heavy sigh], but I just have to do it again. Which is not such a big deal to me, cause I can do things, I'm strong and smart, and win all the time [?]. Which is what this is, I'm gonna win, we're gonna win, cause I was telling her, we're the people, like we're the standard other people measure their significant other by, the people in the bar who everybody wished...that they weren't alone. Like we're the winning couple. And, so I'm [intelligible], and if I have to, you know, pop a few caps in motherfuckers asses to prove my point I will, I don't even care, I'll go to Rykers for five years to prove my point. Which is not what I'll actually do, cause now I take care of myself, cause I am a gentleman, my, that's the new watchword, is gentleman, that's what I've decided. Right now I'm looking to see how late the laundromat is open, I'm not even sure where this frickin laundromat is, the laundromat that I usually go to closes, y'know, whenever the people there feel like it? And I'm trying to find where the slicker, card-havin' laundromat is. Cause, well, I mean, we've been there, but when I find out how much it is, I'll then I'll know, uh, [unintelligible]...cause we have to wash every scrap of fabric in our place, and like, have it in plastic bags, cause we can't be infested with bedbugs, so that when they come to kill the bedbugs, the bedbugs die, instead of living on in like, horrible [unintelligible], which they kind of are. So I'm walking around my neighborhood, which is really nice, and I like to do it, um, I'm really, really tired. And, uh, haven't eaten very much, some of a leftover burrito, but I threw the rest away, cause, uh, it was killing me? Just killing me. And I'm still, you know, being killed. But uh, wow, it's open till eleven p.m., okay, so that's that. Uh, uh, it's hard for me to part with this whole thing, about it, I'm still torn up, and I think I have more conviction and faith in me and in us than she does. which is terrifying, and hurts me, and cuts to the quick, and I'm real scared all the time. And, uh. [The end.]”

Transcribed by: aslant
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