Let me just re-down Top Model last night. "I'm for Jesus!" Oh it is a shame that Amber had to leave, though I'm not really surprised; she didn't seem very stable, you know? Anyhow, anybody that crazy is good television, but she wasn't going to model, you know? Even the tv kind of modeling. & you know I'd never heard of Chanel Iman? She's pretty amazing though. What else did I learn? Well, everyone named Bianca is a whining complainer. Seriously, shut up. I knew they were going to final two her, but I also knew it was just a slap on the wrist. She sucks though. Make overs were boring; sure, Bianca complained, but mostly Tyra just dyed everyone's eyebrows blonde. As for the pictorial...all the girls kind of modeled? Like, they all did things. Okay shorties, show me what you've got. The theme was remaking pictures of them as babies? Which was an inspired idea. Alright, then, down to the contestants worth caring about:

Bloody Eyeball, Nicole. Okay, yes. Tyra & the other Bankable people are clearly trying to capture lightning in a bottle here, shooting for another Heather or Creepy-chan. At first I was skeptical, right up until she mentioned that she didn't have a back pack at school, but rather carried her stuff in a rusty wheelbarrow. WTF, & thank heavens she can model. So, we've got our requisite weirdo for us other weirdos to vote for.

Rae. Rae is this season's "I have a baby back at home," which oddly enough is usually wedded to the ability to take pretty amazing photos. She's pretty, she looks like the girl from That 70s Show, & she's blonde, but for all of that she seems reasonable & likable. I'm okay with being in her corner. Definitely the best picture of last night.

Lulu. Lulu is gay, which Miss Jay outright clapped for. She's solid, & adorable, & has that awkward, naive charisma that could go far. She's got her girlfriend's name tattooed on her chest, but giggled & said she could always have an ink artist turn it into "Brooklyn" instead. Lulu, you are alright with me.

Laura. The Cowpoke. She grew up poor, on a farm, grandma making her bras by hand. On top of that, when the Judges coaxed the details on castrating bulls out of her, she threw "boys don't cheat on me," as a cherry on top. She sure ain't pretty when she cries but she's got pretty good chops; I can see her sticking around. She's not that boring, in persona or look.

Sundai. I figured it out: she reminds me of Alex. Frankly, I miss her giant swarm of hair, but she's spunky, which counts for something. I don't know if she'll turn it around, but I am charmed by her.

Jennifer. Whatever, too hyper, but she asked the photographer if she could get in the sand & managed to take a the second-best photo of the shoot thus.

So, Top Model means we had kind of a TV Night at our new apartment. David & Maggie had seen it when they helped us move in, but Lilly was just scoping it out for the first time & said that we were "ballers." Well, alright. We had a little wine, & some lamb & gyro, & some birthday cake ice cream. Not too shabby an evening, & everyone was out at about ten thirty. I slept pretty well, which is a change from the last few nights.

We started moving stuff into our new apartment last night, which also means I got to see our apartment for the first time! I guess that sounds crazy, that I signed on sight-unseen, but. I've lived in the same building as it for five years-- so I know the basics. I checked out the other two-bedrooms that were available, too. & Jenny thought it was the best of the lot...& I knew it had A Pillar! Why do I want A Pillar? Shut up, is why. Last night I finally saw it, & I'm pleased. Here are the downsides; which aren't complaints, they are awarenesses. I've already extolled the virtues (A Pillar, dishwasher, windows to the street & the courtyard, no shared walls, first floor) so the cons are the new bits, to me. One, the bathroom isn't as nice. Our old apartment has a huge bathtub, one I can lie down in. I am fairly tall. A long bathtub is pretty luxurious. Besides that, the toilet is a tank-toilet. Doesn't everyone prefer powerflush? I do. Well; the tank will hold water if civilization collapses, plus I can hide stuff there, like a handgun. Always look on the bright side! Two...what was two...oh! Two is that the courtyard-side room is bigger, by enough. Enough to make it the bedroom. The street-side room also has a weird bump! The weird bump is the top of a staircase going to a secret passage to the courtyard...crap! There actually is a secret passage. Sweet! It would make keeping that room our bedroom harder, though, since it takes up floor space. So, the awesome weird bump will be in the street-side room. Now we just have to slug our books down & bring the furniture & stuff. We already plowed through the pile of books on the table & three bookcases, so I'm not sweating it. I sure hope Jenny is getting a picture in her head of how everything will go...I don't have a head for that, I guess. Which, by the way, the above map is a guesstimate-recreation; the only reason it is as close to accurate as it is or may be is thanks to Dungeons & Dragons; otherwise my brain is too heuristic-oriented to be any good with that sort of thing. I know where the doors are, but they are like a Japanese map-- just locations on a linear angle from a point of origin.

Ars Magna!

So for the final triumph of the big show-boat weekend, we went to Coraline, the musical last night. Music by Stephin Merritt, aka Yes That Stephin Merritt. Before hand we braved the sudden torrential rain to get food at the nostalgia-peddling Cow Girl Hall of Fame. Did I say sudden? Must have been, to catch Jenny! Then they wouldn't seat her while she waited for Nine & I, despite it being mostly empty. Classy. So I ate too too much (really, I've been a slob lately, ugh) from goat cheese & spinach enchiladas, & we headed over to the theater. I let them borrow my name for a minute & got my tickets. Voila. Then the show! I have to tell you, I was well pleased! The cast clamored, everyone played multiple roles, the stage sort of dissolved & post-modern tricks were full in effect. Wait, I don't mean post-modern; part of the fun of theater is that meta-text was woven in from the get go, right? So the rats sang! & the balloons were twisted, & the door slammed. The music is great; sometimes very Merritt, sometimes very stagey, sometimes haunting. The talented & attractive girl playing the toy piano has a funny job-- good job with life! I think the rat's songs & the final swan song of the Other Mother were the most memorable bits, but really, I have only good things to say. All the cast was cool as hell, & the play was tiny enough to be boutiquey & quaint, but big enough to have tricks up its sleeves. Plus, Coraline is the work of Gaiman's outside of comics I most think worthy of note.

Creepy-chan was robbed. You know this to be a fact. Don't listen to bitter Danielle-- what happens on America's Next Top Model matters. It is important! The evening kicked off with me stumbling into a clutch of work people for a few tipples at a beer bar-- I had the Kelso Brett. I know I said I was done with beer-- I really thought I was! It just happened to me. Then down to Brooklyn where I met up with Danielle & bought some wine & unfiltered sake (which no one had ever had before?) & then we met up with David & bought food from Pizza Plus. At that point we were running a little late-- & somehow everyone else was early? They'd all been hours & hours late the last few weeks-- this is the time they show up punctually? I guess that is the tale. I foisted my keys on David so he could play the hero & let Lilly & Maggie in to my apartment. Jenny got home right as I was taking the recycling out, which was the Queen on the river, making the royal flush!

We started out with How I Met Your Mother. Yeah, we all knew that Elliot couldn't be the mother-- she dug her grave too deeply. Still, the episode didn't go all sappy, & hit enough humor notes to leave a nice taste in our mouth. Maybe it was the madras. Lilly was drunk. Jenny & I were bickering. It was a good time! Then there was a roach! We fought about that, too, & Lilly told her story, the punchline of which is a girl squashing a roach with her hand saying "Suicide!" Later, David smooshed the roach with his karate chop & Lilly shouted "Suicide!" which was...kind of priceless. Then, Maggie made him wash his hands seven times. ANTM was a travesty. A crime. You could have kicked Allison out earlier & I'd've been fine, but you gave her a chance & she walked (& more importantly, writhed) & then you were in a corner, weren't you? Because you had to do side-by-side comparisons with Teyona & Allison, & guess what? Creepy-chan won all but one of those. You still picked Teyona somehow. Somehow. Meaning next season's "Covergirl" ads will be forgettable & boring & we'll never see Teyona again. Maybe Allison & Heather can team-up, Awkward Voltron style? Then we tried to watch The Tyra Show, since it was the reunion special, but instead it was just gross Maury Poviching, with some stand-out sketches involving senior citizens. We fast-forwarded through most of it. Like we fast-forwarded through a lot of One Night In Paris, which Lilly insisted on putting in & Danielle insisted we watch. Lilly claimed she didn't know it was "real." Well, it is real! & yes, it is just a tape she made with her boyfriend, & people demonize her as an avatar of female sexuality. & her ex-boyfriend is a piece of crap. All true.

I had sufficiently lowered my expectations to enjoy Watchmen. I'd been ratcheting them down since the rumors began to rise-- I mean, we've been hearing rumors for how long? In various forms of dudgeon, high & low. Jude Law will be Ozymandius! Robin Williams will play The Comedian, no wait-- Rorschach! So this whole thing came in at a low tremble-- the 300 guy is going to direct? They are changing the ending? Whatever, man. Eventually, partially sickened by the trailers, &, admittedly, partially excited by them, I decided I'd see the movie in theaters, but I wasn't going to fight for opening weekend or anything. I cultivated my attitude: like I did with The Golden Compass, I was going to think of the movie as a sort of "visual appendix" to the source text; the Watchmen comic still stands unsullied, but maybe there would be a good portrayal of some character or moment. I went to go see the film on Sunday with kromelizard & I feel like I got my money's worth. I had the right hat on to be able to enjoy it for what it was. I didn't expect that something that revolutionized one medium (comics) twenty years ago would somehow shake the pillars of cinema, you know?

Everyone is right about the opening sequence-- it really is the best, most brilliant part of the film, especially the moment where Silhoutte sweeps the girl up for the WWII kiss. Bravo right there. Actually, the momentum from that was ongoing; it lasted a long while-- The Comedian's death, Rorschach's investigation, all of it was working for me. I'll go here & say that the actors do themselves proud, with the noticeable exception of Ozymandius. I don't hate Ozymandius-- there has been a lot of vitriol poured on that casting-- I just thought they cast somebody who comes off like a smug villain more than the pinnacle of human potential. The Comedian hit the nihilistic notes he ought to, & looked like a brawny spook-- I bought him. Rorschach was a winner-- which is tough, since I was worried he'd come off "cool," but no, he came off like a dangerous psychopath who is fundamentally broken. Nite Owl was superb, actually; he nailed pathetic, he nailed brave-- he sold his relationship with Silk Spectre, & really? The Nite Owl / Rorschach buddy comedy moments are probably the parts of the film with the most actual pathos. Plus, his body was really pretty perfect for the role. Speaking of pathos, Doctor Manhattan is a mess-- listening to him talk all distractedly & distantly worked for me. Plus, blue penis. Lots of blue penis, which I demanded-- I would cry fowl on the whole thing if Doc M wore pants. As for Silk Spectre, she is fine, & has an interesting body-- but I really was struck by how she lacks agency. That isn't anything about the film, either; in the comic she's just someone who has things happen to her.

Apart from that, the look was good. The set design, colour saturation, all that. Unlike Simon, I wasn't bothered by the make-up; yeah, Nixon's nose was a caricature nose, what about it? Sure, they put old person make-up on, I think it looks fine. The model of Karnak? I had suspended my disbelief plenty by that point. There are a couple of special effects I didn't like. First is an over-riding critique of the movie entirely-- why are these guys wire fighting & punching through walls? This is a fundamental problem with the film. I'm willing to buy a little bit of this-- kung-fu, flying owlships, sure, no problem. The sense of scale is important. You need to see that Nite Owl & Silk Spectre are people, gadgets & karate aside. Just people. The Comedian is a person too, someone who just doesn't give a fuck. Rorschach is a person, but a dangerous sociopath. The only people who should be over the top are Ozymandius ("I can catch a bullet!" lacks any oomph if everyone acts like this is The Matrix) & Doctor Manhattan. Speaking of the good Doctor, I wish the effects were less over-the-top. I don't need him to explode-y teleport, or what have you; I think it would be creepier & more jarring if he just...stopped being there.

Now on to the real complaints! A major one is: stop telling me what I should feel! I don't need Nite Owl dropping to his knees & letting forth a howl when his buddy dies, & I certainly don't need the cathartic beating up of Ozymandius. Come on, leave the ambiguity, full on, without any of this macho crap. I don't need this melodrama to sell the drama; it undermines it, really. That was a steady current that jeopardized the whole thing-- the term Peter used was "clumsy" which is what it was. Besides that, changing the ending? The interview I read said that it would have taken 15 more minutes to explain the space squid, & the director just couldn't get anyone to sign off on making the film any longer. Me, I think the squid is necessary. First off-- audiences love to feel smart. It is kind of excepted wisdom that there will only be peace on Earth in the threat of alien invasion-- scooping that out & kludging in the "bad Doctor Manhattan" just made the peace at the end seem arbitrary & farcical.

I've found that if you don't talk about your dreams, you forget them. Your literal, sleepytime dreams, I mean, not like, some kind of Seasame Street code for ambitions & dweomers. If you don't stumble out of bed to the computer & type them up, the seive away & you end up sounding much saner for it. Thanks to the change in my circadian rhythms, I've been remembering them when I wake up, but because Jenny has been waking up at the same time as me, I have been too busy soaping up in the shower to clickity-clack on the keyboard. There was a dream with Leigh in it-- we were hiding in a mutli-dimensional train? Different compartments & engines hidden on different planes of existence. I was trying to hide from the hunters, who will kill you while you sleep. Leigh would ruin my hiding spots, but she was very handy at climbing. When I told her about it in awakentimes, she said she had weirdly just been talking about multiple dimensions that morning to which I replied "omg it is like we have a weird psychic connection call the police!" Things like that have been going on. Otherwise, I've just been tired. Aches & stuff, for no particular reason. Yesterday Jenny & I went to go get bubble tea & Vietnamese sandwiches. The "classic" is better than the "pork" at this place, for future me to remember. I send you a message! Remember!, as Spock told Bones. Then we watched some television-- I find myself finding College Humor funny despite myself. That guy-- that total piece of crap magician-- his story's denoument was like, killing me. The epitome of comedy. I ended up going to bed right away, at an unholy hour. Oh! Yesterday Mormons came to the door & I was distressed-- I'm barely even a sinner! Except in my heart, Jenny kept assuring me. I sure do sin in my heart.

Everyone is pretty effing jolly about the snow. I am too, though I have some small reservations based on the fact that I am capable of acts of moronics rivalling the best. To wit-- I wore my black chucks today? How many times this winter have I worn tennis shoes when clearly boots were called for? I haven't stepped in any puddles (thinking them pavement) this year, but I've basically made up for it in wet feet by poor choice of shoes. On top of that, I forgot my bag at home, which meant my train ride was book-less. Torture! & just when I was starting to get into Necroscope.

Interlude. So much for what I just said. I went across the street to get breakfast at this place that is offering employees here a 20% discount. Pretty impressively efficient, actually, & I got two breakfasts for six bucks. Of course, on the way out, trying to sneak across the middle of the street instead of the cross walk, I stepped into what looked like a pile of snow but was a crust of snow floating on a puddle. Nice jinx, Mordicai, nice way to lay the hex on yourself. Last year I made it the whole season without going foot first into dark water, but the stars were not right for a repeat.

Still, these things can't get me down: I'm invincible & winter is bringing it's darkness & bluster, which is what I am all about. My weekend? Saturday I went over to help a co-worker move; got there early & walked around Greenwood Heights, checking out that liminal zone. I still haven't quite had that "click" moment regarding the spaces between Windsor Terrace & Park Slope; the way the Expressway cuts through the middle totally spins me around. The move was easy, & into this neat little hidden cottage. There was a shuttle trip in the middle back to Williamsburg to pick up another load, & by that point, my boss had shown up to pitch in with the move. Eventually it was all well & done-- not before some misdirection regarding avenues & streets-- & we settled in to relax & take the edge off of sober. After that, it was home to Jenny. She sent me out shopping & I had some confusion at the seafood counter-- I never talk to those guys!-- & in the end result? Made fish tacos & a cheesecake. Making a cheesecake seems like a really good idea until you realize you have a whole cheesecake at the end. Ugh, too much cheesecake.

Sunday there was no game; bah! Brian said once, a moon's age ago, that running a game was (cue dramatic lights & music) an act of Will!. Overwrought, but I have found it to be true. Casually saying "hey, maybe I'll run a session sometime..." is the same as saying there will be no game. You've got to make it happen. Which is a pain in the ass, but I've gotten it down. Unfortunately, no one else has! There are factors-- school, teaching school, that kind of thing. Still, I would like to play in a game; I would like to play in any game! There ain't one on Sunday though, besides mine own, my precious. Instead I fooled around in the apartment, with frequent dips into the Jenny well. She was editing a video for a friend, which later led to minor internet drama, but I kept coming over & she'd tuck me under her wing, or pleat me into her skirts. Eventually I knocked off to the gym & kind of rocked it, actually. Pow! Whenever Star Wars is on television, even the crappy ones, I slam on the ellipticals. Came home, Jenny took off, & then David came over for a minute. We watched Celebrity Mole (I should have lent that to him) but then he was off to take care of what needed taking care of-- & it worked out, because Jenny came home from her thing early, too. We wanted a bottle of wine but it was too late for that, so we watched Solitary 3.0 & that was that.



Mordicai at Martin Gray's.

I'm all scowls now: the novelty of not having Jenny here has worn off. At least the sticker above cheered me up on the train-- psychoceramics is the term! Or possibly wizards, I hoped? It had been defaced-- someone had torn off the website & written "Jesus is Lord" all over it. If it hadn't been defaced, I'm sure I'd've ignored it entirely, but now I had a mission! Although it turns out it is mostly just people being anti-semites. Lame. Still, that is the first thing that happened to me, today, though certainly not the last!

Last night was fun. I trundled to Queens! Let the record reflect that I talk shit about Queens, but I have only fondness. The reason I give Danielle & Joe such a hard time about it is strictly because of location, & like the man says: location, location, location! I could see living in Queens, though. Walking from the train, I went down Sharkey's Row; row houses are funny, very post-war. At Danielle & Joe's apartment, with Indy the dog, at last! Only the third time I've been there, & once was moving day. We played some Guitar Hero (two days of Guitar Heroics!) Danielle & I have a new band: we are THE DOCTORS, because, see, "M" & "D", right? & then went out for sushi. Their sushi joint is just around the corner, & is pretty superlative. Then I got into a scuffle at the wine shop, over charged! & how. So I made her cancel the transaction & she tried to guilt me. Lady, your wine is labeled incorrectly? Go sit on a tack! Also, I whined about the cold-- what a baby! Then back to the apartment to watch some Spaced & I think we kept fake arguing about something? Getting home wasn't too bad; Joe walked me more or less to the train, so I didn't have to worry about negotiating directions, & then I took the E. The E train!

Here are some notes, randomly, from my notebook. I'll take some from each page.

dwarves = time travellers
xenomorphs = monolith huggers

"Half worlds where dwell the Master Types"
Zuul is Lux backwards

LEGION swallows souls, UNIFIES
annointed in spider's crown blood

mosquito swarm vampire
boy vampire knight- moonboy? ultra?

Oldfire / Buildfire
sword of light dripping sparks

chupacabras on leashes
caterpillar bodies, black rows of teeth, eyeless

Alright, that is enough of that; it isn't as much fun as I thought. Those are from the first few pages, when I was planning out what the shape of the game would be like-- take that for what you will. Pills! Today is a weird day at work; a little boom-crash, but I dealt with the boom first thing in the morning, & have been...crashed since then. Lots of people have taken the day off to extend the long weekend even longer. In other words, it is a little bit cemetary today. One of my co-workers did ask me to lunch, though. I'm buildin' friends! Out of spare parts & vampire hearts. I don't have the foggiest notion what I want to do with myself tonight; I'll probably elect to try to soak up as much Jenny as I can before she absconds off to the desert for her Vision Quest or Sun Dance or whatever she's doing there. Which means also: next week I will be without a wife! I will either want to have lots of friends, or want to go to the gym all night long, or want to crawl into a bottle & make a million sad diary entries. Maybe a little bit of all of them! Oh, here is a prophecy I told one of my player's today-- thanks, Nostradamus!

Shortly, it shall be said, a false, frail brute:
shall be quickly elevated from low to high.
From the enslaved people songs, chants and supplications:
taken captive by princes and lords in the prisons.
For forty years the rainbow shall not appear:
then for forty years it shall be seen each day.

Throughout the world seven Secret Kings shall be appointed,
the conspirators, fourteen of one sect:
where the seven children of the Urth are taken.
The great seventh number once completed,
he shall be crowned while presenting the jewels to them:
The bright splendour of those joyous rainbows!

There shall be no King, but Princes only, lest:
swords, explosions, waters, then the Secret Kings,
the warlocks through anger and inner hatred
shall mount a great conspiracy against the false King:
the great one falls to lightning during daylight hours.

The wizard's ship through stormy stars,
shall approach the unknown port.
All their good deeds shall be regarded as misdeeds:
the bird of prey flying to the left.
The great empire shall soon be transferred:
to a little place that shall very soon grow.
Six escapers in seraphic habit:
the all-powerful winged for more than three hundred years.

So it has been a while since my face was broken & healed. This comes up—has been on my mind—for a couple of reasons. One, when the weather changes, I can feel it. As an ache & a temperature difference. The other is much more mundane—I ran out of calcium vitamin supplements, & I’ve decided not to buy any more. Since the damage, I’ve been taking them; the titanium alloy osseointegrates with my bone; the molecules bond together & interweave. I’ve been taking calcium during the rough & smooth parts of the bone healing process, but that should all be done, by & large. I still get plenty of calcium in my diet & multivitamin. Really I am fine, but it is a choice I made, to discontinue self-medicating. I don’t think of it that much, but when I do I am charmed. I don’t know, war wounds. Battle damage. Also, here are some pictures of what a hambone I am:

A few facts for your percievable but unpercieved world. I'm pretty sure I have Raynaud's Disease, as much as self-diagnosis is a pet peeve of mine. Another one is that I have my shirt tucked in. I bought a shirt from the Gap or Old Navy or Bannana Republic, & I got it in "tall" since, well, I am. The tails are pretty long though-- maybe they'll shrink? Tucking a shirt in isn't my first choice. Oh, another thing is that I'm eating spciy vegetable udon. My integration of vegetables into my diet is going very swimmingly; I didn't think olives would ever tumble, but it did. Still: peppers? Blech. Oh, & my main work buddy is moving to greener pastures. That about sums up my immediate situation, in microcosim.

Last night was television night. Danielle & Joe & Carla all bailed at the last minutes, but we're a juggernaut, we don't care! There wasn't a lot of legitimate television but we are an unstoppable holocaust, we don't care! While we waited for muster we watched a little Rachel Maddow, & then we got into full swing with How I Met Your Mother: a very "aww" episode. Then it was time to move into reality television turf, & try out the descicable Tool Academy. Or maybe we watched an episode of Jon & Kate plus Eight first-- Lilly swiped the remote at some point. Back to the point though, Tool Academy has some potential for junk-food fun. Every so often when I think VH1 has sunk into the nadir of misogyny, they pull out a show to rival Shot at Love & its ilk, & point it at the boys. Like, genuinely point it at them. Makes me hopeful that VH1 is just truly misanthropic.

Oh, & I mentioned my elf-crush on Rachel Maddow but I also want to be clear to mention that Peter Dinklage is other crush lately, especially after 30 Rock this week. He wow'ed me in Station Agent (which I watched because of my crush on Stephen Trask!) & really let me tell you, there is a dude that could have been Frodo, if Peter Jackson had gone the more Willow route. Also, me MSPainting them to look like Lord of the Rings characters seems like I'm othering little people & lesbians! I checked though-- I'm not. I just really like Tolkien. & Rachel Maddow & Peter Dinklage.